Thursday, April 05, 2007

Will the real Bill Clement please stand up?

We all know Bill Clement, right?

Inoffensive, middle-of-the road, company man hockey announcer that seems to be first guy called for pretty much every national hockey broadcast that comes down the line?

Yeah, Bill Clement!

That's him.

So who the hell is this guy?

This is the picture that appears next to Bill Clement's name on the website of Nopac Talent, "America's Premier Celebrity and Sports Talent Agency."

They seem like a reputable company that provides professional athletes and celebrities for speaking engagements.

Jeremy Roenick is also available, and you can tell it's the real Roenick because it's April, and he's on the golf course.

Now I know what you're thinking- that guy kinda looks like Bill Clement, right?

Same facial structure, same hair, same borderline heterosexual Magnum PI mustache- well,maybe it's just a picture of a younger Bill Clement?

Well, here's a picture of young Bill Clement, and if you're still not convinced that they have the wrong guy, here's a frankly splendid look at both a young and old Bill Clement, doing a commercial for "Backwoods Off!"

I found it on his website, and has the added bonus of seeing him shirtless and surrounded by biting insects. It's really kind of extraordinary:

For all the people who arrive at this site after googling "shirtless hockey players," I'm thrilled to finally have something to offer them.

OK- so if that dude isn't Bill Clement, NHL broadcaster, Backwoods Off! Spokesman and Motivational Speaker, who the hell is he?

Well, it's interesting actually. That guy actually happens to be Bill Clement, member of the 2005 Canopy Formation World Record holding skydiving team, who, along with 80 other skydivers, successfully undertook an 81 person canopy formation parachute jump.

I shit you not.

Check it out, people, there he is- number 16, between Tamsin Causer and Martin Clennon
for all the world to see. Click his name, and you're treated to this photograph, which also coincidently, comes up on the first page of a Google image search for "Bill Clement."

If you're asking people for $20,000-$30,000 to produce Bill Clement, is it asking too much that you could, um- pick him out of a lineup?

Oh, and if you're curious about skydiving Bill Clement, here's a photo of his World record breaking jump.

According to the website, Bill Clement is fourth up from the bottom, and third from the left.

You see him there?

He's the one with the mustache.

Congratulations, skydiving Bill Clement!

Oh, and if you're curious about what you'll actually get if you do plunk down the $20,000+ for Broadcaster Bill Clement to come and speak to your corporate or business group, here's a pretty sweet sample (also from of the "Value Added Leadership" he's offering. If you can make it all the way to the end, he makes a joke that's worth every penny of that twenty thousand dollars. Seriously. Try to make it through.

Holy Christ.

I wonder how much they charge for the skydiver?


Anonymous said...

thanks a lot, Ritch,I totally didn't need to know that.
You might have actually ruined hockey for me.

Anonymous said...

" site appears prominently on the results pages of 3 odd google searches, one for "Michael Peca Shirtless"... "

oh my gosh, I think that was me!
Glad I found you, though. I have kept reading even though you didn't give me what I wanted on my initial visit.

PS.. can you get one of those?

Jump Junkie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.