Thursday, April 05, 2007

No hockey last night.

I was at home with the lady, and since I've been pretty clear about the fact that I'm gonna be watching two or three hockey games a night when the playoffs start, I figure it's a good idea to let up and watch something else on the nights when there's no playoff race on. It wasn't all that hard, all that was on was Caps/Thrashers and Ducks/Sharks, and while I do get a kick of out hearing the Atlanta broadcast team continually explaining to their audience what a playoff game is, it's better for my relationship if I give the hockey a rest for right now.

Anyway, we took advantage of our new DVR to attempt to watch American Idol. We've tried to watch it a few times in the past, just to see what all the fuss was about, but all we would ever see was a group of awful people saying awful things about awful singers who sing awful songs.

That's the whole show, right?

Anyway, we tried again last night, and surprise, it was fucking awful.

But here's where the genius part comes in. Everybody always talks about how DVR is a great thing because it allows you to skip the commercials, but as my pal Michael Reisman has pointed out, the real beauty of the DVR is it also lets you skip through the shitty parts of the actual shitty shows themselves. As such, we watched pretty much the whole show in about 8 minutes, which seems hard to believe, as I feel like I now have at least ten minutes of material on it.

Jesus, that show is wretched.

The best part was when the girl with the short skirt and the girl with the tight shirt were clutching onto each other waiting for one of them to be eliminated, as though they were being forced to await the verdict on whether America ultimately defines itself as more of a leg man than a tit man. When one of their names was called, their reactions of joy and despair were identical, ie- crying, rending garments, pulling hair over eyes, etc.

This was great because after they took all this time and drama unveiling who was to go, they finally told us, and we still had fully no idea which weeping, squalid clownface was the one who had gotten the sack. As it happened, America went for the tits, which seemed to me about par for the course.

I did like the part where they actually mocked a contestant's physical appearance by suggesting that he resembled the lead character from the Disney flop "Chicken Little," which he completely did. It was as though they said "Enjoy mediocrity? Don't bullshit me. We know you do. Well check out how much this mediocre thing you didn't enjoy watching that much resembles this other mediocre thing you didn't enjoy watching that much! High Five!"

Honestly, if America loves mediocrity this much, you'd think Bruins hockey would get higher ratings.

Oh, and speaking of the Bruins, the only joy I have left on that front is rooting for Montreal to lose. Lucky for me, my pal Eric has come though again with tickets to the Rangers and Canadiens tonight. If the Rangers either win or make it to overtime, they will clinch a playoff spot, and we'll be checking the scoreboard all night for the Leafs/Islanders as well.

If the Isles get eliminated tonight, the "Potvin Sucks" chants should be ringing from the rafters with particular luster.

Either way, it should be really fun.

2 comments:

Alec said...

You bastard-

making me read all about how you got to tivo through your tv watching horrors- only to drop in the "[Yawn]... after a hard night of not watching hockey I am [Yawn] going to a sweet, original 6 match up with [yaaaawn] playoff implications."

You are one noble SOB

why don't yoy just kick my dog while you're at it?!

Jack said...

Excellent Cam Neely commercial reference. Remember this one?