Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Hello, "Chris Pronger Rumors" people.

I've had a TON of hits, over the past few days, the way I always do when Edmonton plays Anaheim, but this time, it's moreso, seeing as Pronger is back in Edmonton tonight. In fact, the flurry of hits was so intense that I thought for second I'd missed the game.

Any predictions?

I don't have much to add, but for those people who liked the original post, or the follow up (from the last time this happened) here's a fun note from Ty Conklin's player info page, under assets:

Has plenty of confidence in the crease, and is a capable puck-handler. Works extremely hard at improving his game.

Well, I should hope so.

Well, while you're here folks, here are a few greatest hits:

Brind'Amour's Cup Smooch

Candle in the Wind: An Interpretive Dance

The sad lack of good books about hockey.

There might be better ones, bit I'm tired-

Oh, and if you want my predicton, I'd say 6-4 Anaheim, with a goal by Lupul and a goal and 2 assists from Pronger.

Monday, November 27, 2006

UPDATE: Thorton v Savard!

The Forechecker played my song!!

In a post earlier today (scroll down), I suggested that the excellent hockey stats site The Forechecker look a little deeper into Kevin Paul DuPont's assertion that Bruins fans shouldn't be living in the past, as Marc Savard is outperforming Joe Thornton this year.

Well, he did!.

How awesome is that?!

Of course, he proved DuPont right, which honestly, should come as a surprise to none of us.

Good times.

Maxim Magazine

OK- While my thoughts about Maxim Magazine are well documented, I think that their most recent outrage is worth discussing, especially in light of my problems with the people responsible for marketing the game of hockey in America. My views on this were articulated recently by a morose Flyers fan who plays on my beer league ice hockey team.

"They just don't get hockey," he said.

We had been rained out of our second game a few weeks ago, (We play in a killer outdoor rink at the North End of Central Park) and had decided to meet up at a midtown watering hole to, shall we say, increase team morale. Naturally, the conversation shifted to NHL hockey, and the fact that on a Monday night, how every TV in the bar was tuned to the football game; not one was on the Ranger game. I mean, sure, I get it that the NFL is big in this country, and Monday Night Football is an institution, but the fact is, if you are in a hometown bar, the hometown team should be on the TV. At least one of them. To a casual sports fan in this country, hockey doesn't exist, and in my mind, that's the fault of the marketing. My teammate took another sip and shook his head- "I mean, the things they value, the parts of the game that are great- they just don't get it."

To see a red hot example of this, take a gander at Maxim Magazine's recent slideshow Hockey's Toughest Bastards , which was emailed to me from Ben. I'm pretty sure he knew I'd flip out when I read it, and he loves to bait me.

While there are people on that list who are noble choices, their choice for number one was so asinine that I screamed aloud at my computer screen. I'll take a break and allow you to read the list. I guarantee you, you won't guess who number one is.

Spoilers after the break.



The toughest bastard in hockey?!!

And how about this: "Tough Guy Cred: He beat cancer."


So, what exactly do these dickheads think Saku Koivu beat, bird flu?

I mean, Jesus.

And while I understand that these lists are created to start controversy, that's just ignorance. I mean, if they would have picked Messier (who went #2) I guess I could have lived with it, but still, the stated "tough guy cred" is making the prediction of winning game 6 against the Devils? Great leadership, yes. Tough guy behavior, no. How about bringing up the fact that Messier shattered a guy's jaw with one punch? How about the time he cross checked Doug Gilmour in the face and changed the flow of a playoff series? That's the kind of controversy I expect. But to put Mario Lemieux on that list at all, not to mention at number one, shows that "they just don't get it."

Kevin Paul DuPont had some decent views in this week's Globe on how to improve the game as well.

By the way, I love DuPont, but that dude hates Joe Thornton. He was the columnist who called for Big Joe to give up the "C" after not talking to the media during his last big Bruin playoff collapse, and he makes the point this week about how Marc Savard is doing better than Big Joe so far this season, on a Points per game basis. I'd be interested in breaking down that comparison a little closer with some different stats- Hey Forechecker are you listening?

Oh, and just for fun, maybe some of the real hockey fans out there could leave a comment with their suggestion of a better number one on Maxim's little list. I can think of four right off the top of my head, none of which are mentioned. That list is to hockey knowledge what Maxim is to pornography.

Close, but far from getting the job done.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Well, the B's pulled it out last night-

- in a shootout.

While it wasn't the massacre I'd hoped it would be, it still was fun to imagine Gary Bettman telling Ted Leonsis what a great thing the shootout is for the game just as his Caps fell to 0-4 in that category. Although who knows? Maybe it wasn't such a bad night for Ted. There's a chance that his kids took some serious steps towards becoming self-actualized individuals all while staying loving within the family.

(See # 11 on Ted's 101 list)

If the B's can keep the ball rolling in Toronto tonight, there will be cause for optimism.

Oh, and I got another humor piece published, coinciding with the release of the new Bond movie. It ain't about hockey, but Jason Vorhees makes a cameo in a hockey mask, so that's close enough. You can read it here.

Happy Thursday People!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006


OK- based on how the Boston Bruins have performed this year, it's safe to say that my expectations for tonight's game against the Wasington Capitals are low.

However, today, on my run through the hockey blogs, I found myself over on the blog of Ted Leonsis , billionaire AOL executive and owner of the Washington Capitals. He's been linked over there on the sidebar as a prominent douchebag for quite a while.

Oh, and I know that he has a good relationship with hockey blogs, and has been one of the frontrunners of advancing expanded access of bloggers as journalists, but despite that, believe me when I tell you that this guy is a douche. Yes, he's opening doors for bloggers, but think about where he's coming from:

a) He works for an internet company, which means expanding the scope of the internet helps his business.

b)He owns the Washington Capitals, who have sucked so hard in recent years that if I owned them, I'd be reaching out to dudes who flyer windshields, for fuck's sake.

I mean, it's great that he's using blogs, but what are his other options?

The Washington Post?

But still, in case you're even a little bit on the fence about what a MAMMOTH douchebag this guy is, and the large cartoon version of his own head that adorns his blog (Ted's Take!) isn't enough for you, the creme de la creme of utter pomposity combined with sheer douchebaggery, has got to go to Ted's 101 list.

If you didn't click that link (and you should) this is a list of "Life Goals" that Ted has published on his blog, so all the little people can see all the great accomplishments of all things Ted. It's not hidden on the blog either, it's advertised prominently on the sidebar, with a flashy "check-box" graphic.

Let's get into this a little:

It starts off OK, with nice, normal things:

1 Fall in love and get married (check)
2 Have a healthy son (check)
3 Have a healthy daughter (check)

Great, right?

Well then it starts to get a little weird:

13 Net worth of ten million dollars, after taxes (check)
14 Net worth of one hundred million dollars, after taxes (check)
15 Net worth of one billion dollars, after taxes (Not checked yet?!)

Awww, C'mon, Ted, you can do it!

Let's all root for TED and his billion dollars AFTER taxes! Hooray for Ted, and his ability to achieve his goals!

And this goes on, and on and on.

23 Own a beach home that stays in family (check)
24 Own a jet (check)
25 Own a yacht (check)
26 Own a convertible Porsche or Mercedes Benz (check)
27 Own a mountain home that stays in the family (Not checked yet!? C'mon Ted!)
28 Own a great piece of art (check)
29 Own a great personal collection of watches (check)
30 Own a Ferrari (check)
31 Restore an antique auto (check)
32 Own a restaurant or club (check)
33 Support someone who makes a great breakthrough in science or art (Not checked)

How can this be? Ted is so refined and sophisticated! Surely this will be checked in a matter of time. Perhaps the cure for AIDS? Maybe a revolutionary breakthrough with stem cell research? I know- the common cold. Or could it be art? You can do it, Ted. We're all rooting for you. Of course, if you wanted to do something artistic, you might want to start with a hockey arena that doesn't look like a generic box, but Oh-wait- I forgot- sports owners don't finance arenas, taxpayers do.

My bad.

Either way, I digress.

Jesus, that guy sucks.

But as I was reading over Ted's blog, I stumbled across this little gem of information:

On Wednesday, Gary Bettman, the NHL Commissioner, will be coming to DC, where he and I will do some press work together and then attend the Caps vs Bruins game. It would be nice if our fans came out and showed their support for the Capitals in front of the Commissioner. :-)

you like the way he phrased that?

"Attend" the game- let no one ever accuse Bettman of actually WATCHING a hockey game. But still- Ted Leonsis and Gary Bettman- working together on "press."

I can see it now...


We need to publicize the league- any ideas?


How about a large series of Easter Island statues of my head?

Hmmm- can we make it LESS about hockey? I mean you're a hockey team owner, and people might actually make that connection and perceive it as being helpful to the game. Also, we're phasing out fighting entirely, and I don't like the "cementhead" thing. Maybe we can get OLN to change their name again?


Great idea! How about T.E.D.?


I like it!

And- Scene.

Either way, if I've ever wanted the Bruins to succeed, and I have, I want them to succeed tremendously tonight, if only to embarrass the crap out of Ted in front of Bettman.

C'mon, B's- I know there ain't a lot to play for when you're in the basement like this, but how about a 6-2 rout with a good old fashioned donnybrook at the end?

How about pulling one out for all of us who don't brag about owning "a great personal collection of watches?"

I mean, is there anything LESS hockey that that?

Do it up, boys.

Do it up.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Rumsfeld steps down-

- so why can't we do anything about Gary Bettman?

Anyway, a game to watch for tonight is Toronto/Boston, as player of the month Andrew Raycroft takes on his old team, the Boston Bruins, a team he was traded from because management was afraid he might tell the new guys in the locker room that Joe Thornton was a pretty good player.

Hannu Toivennen was sent to the minors yesterday too, so it'll be Thomas in net for the B's, a guy who despite never being the "goalie of the future," is a competitor who will play with some pride, seeing as it was he who rose to the challenge last year for the B's, and played well when Raycroft was injured.

It would be a pretty good game to watch, if I could watch it.

I initially gave the edge to the Leafs, as Peca is a bit of a Bruin killer, but upon further reflection, Glen Murray has been playing pretty well these days, and I bet he remembers where some soft spots on Raycroft are.

Prediction: 3-2 Bruins, with 5 minutes left in the 3rd period.

With these Bruins, anything after that is a coin flip, but I'm willing to go out on a limb and say that they will at least play well enough to have a lead to blow at the end.

You know me, I accentuate the positives.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

1,000 words.

I got nothing today, people.

Well, except this, which should be the Third Jersey for the Blues::

You think John Davidson has a copy of Blizzard of Ozz?

I doubt it.

Oh, and by the way, I found that picture here .

Friday, November 03, 2006

The Reason I'm Not Watching Game 6 of the 1974 Stanley Cup Final between the Bruins and Flyers

Well, because I'm at work, and I actually have a lot to do today.

What's your excuse?

NHL games, both old and new, are now available on Google video.

For free.

Get your ass over there!

Brendan Shanahan-

Jesus, is this guy a hockey player.

I'm up late again, watching the Sharks and the Rangers, and this guy, down a goal with less than a minute left, blocks a shot with his chest and it hurts him. He stays in, stays in position, then manages to dive in the zone and slap a bank shot off the boards and into the empty net, making him the NHL's leading goalscorer and tying him with Bobby Hull on the all time goal scoring list.

Oh, and he also assisted on Cullen's goal.

And how about this Hollweg kid?

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Putting the John Kerry Incident in perspective:

OK- I don't really like to talk politics on this blog, but watch this- I can tie it into hockey.

At this point, anybody with a television knows about the "botched joke" incident that has kept John Kerry in the headlines for the past two days. I won't run you all the way around the merry-go-round again, but to briefly recap, there's been a lot of talk about whether Kerry:

a) even said what he said
b) meant to say what he said
c) should apologize for being misinterpreted
d) Should have not have called Rush Limbaugh "doughy"
and e) f), g), and h), whatever the fuck they all are.

Either way, with the political spin machines angled the way they are, it was a clear cut victory for Republicans over the past few days. I mean, think about it- with a week to go before a tremendously important election, and with nobody that can think of a single goddamn thing that Republicans don't suck at, they seemed to be up against a wall. All of a sudden, BOOM- they are reminded of one thing they're actually great at- making John Kerry look like an asshole.

Not like that's really difficult, and I wouldn't run on it, but the Republicans don't have a lot of cards to play, and on this hand, they ran the table with a pair of twos.

But lets bring it back to hockey.

John Kerry, if you will remember, is a hockey player. To really understand what went down here, it's time to go back to the classics, and yes, I'm talking about Slap Shot.

In this situation, George Bush and the Republican party are Reggie Dunlop and the Charlestown Chiefs, and John Kerry, sadly, is Hanrahan. Player-coach Reg Dunlop is an affable guy, bit of a black sheep, who everyone agrees would be fun to have a beer with. But when the mill closes, and the fans start losing their jobs, Dunlop decides it's time to play dirty. Knowing that Hanrahan had flown off the handle after hearing that his wife was having sex with women, Dunlop taunts him with it again during a game, and sure enough, it works. Hanrahan goes nuts, attacks Dunlop, and the Chiefs score. As Ned Braden said, "It was a bullshit goal- a bullshit win."

Afterwards, in the locker room, Morris, one of the finest characters in American cinema by the way, asks Dunlop what he said to him, and Dunlop told him, saying "he's a stupid ape, I knew it would piss the shit out of him!"

If there is one thing guaranteed to piss the shit out of John Kerry, and make him act like a stupid ape, it's to accuse him of not supporting the troops, something he never responded to well during the campaign. I'm sure it still burns his ass that Bush and Cheney, two guys who avoided combat, used the swiftboat issue to paint a decorated combat veteran as anti-military, and have it actually work. I guess what I'm saying is, if you're confused how Tony Snow has the balls to stand up and say that "he isn't sure that Kerry wasn't insulting the intelligence of the troops" it makes a lot more sense if you just imagine him skating up behind the right goalpost, stopping behind Kerry's ear and and yelling "Suzanne sucks pussy!"

Cause that's what's going on there.

Oh, and apologies to you Canadians who regularly visit this site. I know it might be lame for you to sit through this tirade on American politics, but I don't want to hear any shit about it until your politicians stop fucking Tie Domi.

I mean, Jesus.