Thursday, October 04, 2007

Momma Needs a New Sunday Dress

While happy that hockey will have me, despite the crippling setback of my ladybits, I've found it hard to attire myself properly when cheering on my beloved team. Last year's hastily bootlegged wifebeater got downgraded to pajamas after the playoffs, and I hear bison-related fashion was all the rage on the catwalks this fall, but I can't seem to find Sabres gear in ladies' sizes for the life of me. It seems like Ebay would be my best bet- girls gots babies to make, they can't all have time to keep up with the hockey- but the pickings are slim. Allow me to go all Lucretia Mott on Ebay's offerings for "Sabres ladies/womens/girls":

First, the Sabres watch. For when your biological clock isn't doing the job!

The Sabres hat, or as it's referred to in Northern New York, the tuke (or tuq, or took. It's an oral tradition). As IF we'd mess up our hair with a hat, even if it is that delightful it's-a-girl shade of pink. Common sense, people.

The Sabres shirt, only available for ladies in pink. Because nothing says "I'm a serious sports fan, and my team means business" like calligraphy.

The piece de resistance, the Buffalo Sabres cheerleading uniform, featuring that bane of a logo. I'm not entirely sure why the makers chose a cheerleader outfit specifically. Since there are no sidelines, couldn't they have picked something just as arbitrary? Why not a Sabres kitty cat or a Sabres French-Canadian maid?

Same thing? Actually, no. This is a toddler-size version. Get your little girl started on the road to objectification early!

Finally, this sexy little number, which I will gladly accept from any willing patron with $9.99 to spend on advertising my team allegiance/loose morals*. I'm not sure exactly what "one" is, but I think I have an idea, and I'm willing to play along (though I'm going to need a few cocktails if it's Vanek.)
*I'm so not kidding. Size small, tank top.


WD to Evers to Chance said...

Hasn't it been established that a lot of chicks Jack knew in high school have now become Sabres ice bunnies? They can probably hook you up with a shirt.

What the NHL needs is their own Alyssa Milano -- a high-profile fan who likes hooking up with players and designing hot clothes. Frankly, a girl wearing a tight-fitting, curves-revealing throwback jersey would probably be the most awesome thing ever. Even if it's the crazy red/black buffalo jersey.

will said...

alyssa would be nice, but she's busy pimping baseball crap. how does elisha cuthbert strike you? she's dating that avery douche on manhattan.

btw, i believe it's "touque." and i kinda dug the angry goat logo.

vh2k6 said...

i believe avery and cuthbert broke up a few weeks ago. she's got to move on to bigger and better things. or she could piss him off and fuck georges laraque for a few weeks.

Anonymous said...

Wasn't there a picture of Milano wearing just a jersey and holding a stick? I think I saw it on Jes Golbez' site a while back.

If I were a Sabres fan I'd consider the last one.

btw TOQUE is spelt many, many ways. Neither Jen or will is wrong. (And what is that grey thing coming out of the toque's head?)

- desdemona

Ben said...

Wasn't there a picture of Milano wearing just a jersey and holding a stick?

It was Randy McKay's.

Wade Garrett said...

Haha, if that shirt actually exists, there should be no shortage of friends willing to pony up the $10 it would take to buy it for you. Just think of all the future drunken group photographs it will spice up!

Jen said...

Wait, it does exist. Buy away. I beg of you.