Monday, July 31, 2006

Lauren Pronger is busting OUT!

(LATEST UPDATE 11/28/06: Click here for Ritch's prediction for Pronger's return to Edmonton!)

Yeah, you heard me.

I got about 200 hits before lunchtime this morning, all thanks to a post I wrote last month making fun of the flurry of rumors surrounding Chris Pronger, his wife, and- (well, I wasn't going to repeat it, but screw it), that TV reporter chick he supposedly knocked up.

The whole rumor was kind of stupid, but it had to do with both sex and an NHL all star, which in Edmonton is better than, well- it's the best thing they have going out there. I mean, not to knock Edmonton, I'm sure it's a swell town, but once you've seen a game and taken a picture in front of the Gretzky statue, what are you doing all day? I'll tell you, if I lived up there, I'd probably be obsessing about Chris Pronger and his various "Prongees" as well. And yeah, I know that's a crass thing to say, but just imagine what I could have written if this had happened to Fernando Pisani.

Maybe it's just indicative of the fact that there really is nothing going on in the hockey world right now, but ever since I wrote that post I've been getting a steady stream of visitors, all through various search engines. But the floodgates broke this morning when a hockey columnist in Saint Louis wrote this:

"But there was plenty of amateur rumor mongering after Pronger abruptly requested a trade from the Edmonton Oilers this summer. When you do a Google search on his wife, Lauren Pronger, you come up with some curious stuff. "

Anybody curious exactly what you get?

Well, you get me, St. Louis.

How's it going, assholes?

And while I have you here, how's that whole hire a blowhard announcer for a GM thing going for you? By the way, there are two words that separate you guys from being the most baffling GM decision made this off-season, and those two words are "Garth" and "Snow."

Oh yeah, any new updates on that fake blog that was intended to look like it was written by fans but was really created by an ad agency?

Oh, and one more thing- is it true that if you press your ear against the St Louis Arch during the hockey offseason, you can hear Keith Tkachuck eating?

Get back to me when you can on these important issues.

Still, the only thing that makes me really sad about this whole mess is that it has distracted the hockey community from the stories that are truly important, like Health Magazine naming Dominic Hasek's "Dominator Spirit Pant" the Best Fitness Pant of 2006.

Congratulations on that Spirit Pant, there Dom.

Oh, and your one year deal with the Wings.

But mostly the Spirit pant.

Nice job, buddy.


Drew said...

As always, you've got me chuckling with no one else in the house. Kudos.

Anonymous said...

God, you're an angry, bitter loser. But primarily a loser.

/StL resident
//dine frequently at 1111 Mississippi, if you ever care to dance