Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Ask Tie Domi

OK- so by this time, we all know that Tie Domi has been bought out of his contract by the Maple Leafs, and in all likelihood, will not be picked up by another team. We'll see. And while he's no Steve Yzerman, I'm sad to see him go for what he has been for the game. He's the kind of guy who I'm tempted to say "love him or hate him," but to be honest, I can't think of anybody who hates him.

OK, other than, say- John Kordic, who I single out here for being the recipient of Domi's wrath in this short clip that allows us to ask the question: "How many solid, unblocked shots to the face do you think one man can land in less than 12 seconds?"

I counted at least seven, and fell even deeper in love with YouTube.

OK- even if you hated him, I bet you'd admit that you at least loved to hate him, and hockey, more than almost any other sport, is best enjoyed with a villain or two.

So here's to Tie Domi.

C'mon! look at the little fella!

Anyway, I was perusing his website today, (where I found the Santa hat pictures) when I came across this Tie Domi FAQ (Frequently asked questions) section. Apparently, he likes Italian food and his favorite band is the Eagles.

Am I crazy, or are these nowhere near the kinds of questions that you would like to see Tie Domi answer?

I've complied a list of questions that I would be more interested in seeing Tie answer, but as I'm fairly sure they won't be asked very frequently, I've included my own answers.


Question#1: Dear Tie, who do you think would win in a fight between you and a Lion?

My answer: The Lion.

It would attack you, tear you up with its claws, and then devour you in messy chunks. Still, you'd get some shots in, and let's be honest, Donald Brashear wouldn't fare much better. It definitely wouldn't be the Lion's easiest day. I do think that you could kick a leopard's ass though.

Question#2: Who do you think would win in a fight between you and a Lion with no claws or teeth?

My answer: You.

The Lion would pounce on you, and try to bite, but just end up gumming that bullet-shaped head of yours for a while. It would be sloppy work, but that's when you would start working the Lion's ribs with a series of devastating lefts and rights. The Lion would eventually relent, and you'd have a beer together. Or, you'd have a beer, and the Lion would have a tall glass of finely pureed gazelle meat.

Question #3: Who do you think would win in a fight between you and a Lion with teeth but no claws?

My answer: A toss up. This could be the greatest fight in recorded history. It would come down to diet and training on both sides. Honestly, I feel that the Lion could sink his teeth at least 2 inches into your head, and I still wouldn't count you out. It would be epic.

Question #4: Is it true that your skeleton is laced with Adamantium, the strongest metal ever forged?

My answer: No

Just because you are small, hairy, Canadian and fierce does not necessarily mean that you were transformed into a crazed assassin with retractable claws in your wrists by the government, and driven half mad with bloodlust before coming to stay at Professor Xavier's school for gifted youngsters. But if you had been, you would have been really, really good at it.

Question #5: Really? The Eagles? I mean, goddamnit, man- the fucking Eagles? Really?

Answer: (sigh) Yeah, probably.

1 comment:

Flippy said...

Heh, I love this. And yeah, the fucking Eagles. It's true.