Friday, May 19, 2006

Edmonton versus Anaheim

Well, the Western Conference finals start tonight, between the Oilers, (whose logo reminds me of my shattered teenage dreams of a Stanley Cup for the Bruins in 1988 and '90) and the Mighty Ducks, (whose logo reminds me of the pajamas my little brother was wearing at the time.)

Seriously, the only thing that could make the Mighty Ducks any more adorable would be if instead of skateguards, they had adult-sized footies that came down over their blades for the walk out to the ice.

In terms of the series, for Christ's sake people- it's the Western Conference final, both teams are good, and anything could happen. Still, I'm inclined to pick the Oilers, not only because they are riding a hot streak, but also they actually lead the Ducks in a category that no self-respecting duck should trail in. That's right, beaks.

Yeah, I said it- the Edmonton Oilers are a bunch of big-nosed motherfuckers.

When I see a honker as mammoth as Horcoff's is in that picture, I fully expect to see Cary Grant dangling from it. And in case you think that it's just an unflattering angle, click it again and take a look at the shadow his visor casts across that nine pound booger machine.

And if you think Horcoff's honker is prodidious, check out the coke dealer's dream that's hard at work making Igor Ulanov's eyes look tiny, or that mammoth slab of flesh on Ryan Smyth's face that he could rent out every summer for children's pony rides.

Christ, I bet his sunglasses weigh more than Daniel Briere.

So you want a prediction for this series?

Here ya go:

Edmonton- by a nose.

1 comment:

Charles Star said...

Those noses just don't look that big to me. They look like every Saturday morning from my childhood.