Eight is not enough.

Well the first round is over, and with it, my love affair with any of the remaining teams in contention for the Stanley Cup.

Thanks a lot Washington Capitals.

I mean, for Christ's sake, with the Bruins gone and the Cinderella Capitals season over, who in the hell am I supposed to root for now?

In the East, we have Montreal and Pittsburgh, two teams that I have been on record, over and over again, as hating. So the enemy of my enemy is my friend, right?

Well, sort of. I'm always happy to see the Habs and Pens lose, but there are some complications.

On the one hand, the Rangers are playing Pittsburgh, but they are captained by Jaromir Jagr, one of the chief architects of my hatred for the Pens to begin with. I can't get behind that guy winning another cup. I just can't. Plus, the other guys on that team that I could really root for, Drury and Shanahan, already have cups. And for my friends who are Ranger fans, 1994 isn't THAT far away. If you start to feel bad, pop this in the DVD player, and you'll buck right up. It's got 15 discs in it, for God's sake, that oughta get you through the summer. And I know, it'd be nice to see Lundquist win a cup, but not on Jagr's team. He's got some time.

On the other hand, you have Montreal playing Philly, and as fun as it will be to root against Montreal, can I really cheer on the thugs who ended the season of Patrice Bergeron?


In the West, which I'll admit I'm less familiar with, you have some options, but none of them great.

The Red Wings, Stars, and Avalanche have all had Stanley Cup wins in recent years, and while the Stars only have one cup, and I like Marty Turco, I just don't know that I can root for former Hab and habitual diver Mike Ribero, who I'm again on record as hoping he would get a testicle caught in a set of impact-tested accordian shutters.



Which leaves us with the Sharks.

Goddamnit, I like the Sharks. I like the way they play, I think their goaltender deserves the Vezina, I like watching Brian Campbell, it'd be nice to see Roenick get a cup after all these years, and I'm on record as saying that Patrick Marleau is both underrated and awesome.

It's just a Joe Thornton thing.

I like him.

I really do.

I think most Bruins fans wish the guy the best, but I'll tell ya, I'm not sure I'm ready to see another ex-Bruins captain lifting up the Stanley Cup. I mean, I'd feel good for the guy and everything, I'm just not sure I can do it. To see the guy who was the future of the Bruins lifting the cup over his head, I mean- I know, I know- I really like the guy, and on paper, go Joe.

But I'm just not sure my heart will follow my head.

Not when the Bruins haven't won a cup since the goddamned Nixon administration.

I don't know- is there a storyline out there I'm missing?

A feel good reason for me to root for one of these teams that I don't know about?

Lemme know, cause I'm all ears, and I'm told the Celtics are pretty good this year.

PLease, don't make me go there.

Cause I really don't know shit about Basketball.