Tuesday, April 18, 2006

It could be I owe OLN an apology.

In my last post, I referred to OLN as a station that was most famous for bike riding, Survivor re-runs, and a reality show starring Ted Nugent.

After watching their doubleheader last night (Detroit/Dallas and Sharks/Kings) I feel I may have misjudged them. OLN has a lot more to offer and by a lot, I mean Bull Riding.

Oh yes.

Most sports are fun to watch cause you get a chance to see professionals doing something you can do yourself, like shooting a hockey puck or throwing a football, just WAY better than you can. Incidentally, this explains some of the appeal of cooking shows and pornography, but that's a different blog altogether.

PBR, (Professional Bull Riding) is fucking extraordinary, mainly because it's a sport that literally NO ONE can do, even the professionals.


These fucking guys just keep on climbing on top of bulls and getting thrown off in a matter of seconds. The guys who are really, really good are the ones who take LONGER to fail at it, and by longer I mean, well- 8 seconds.

But they keep on trying.

It's kind of inspirational in a totally ridiculous way, mainly because it's the only sport I can think of where you are actually encouraged to do the impossible. Yes, hockey is hard. It's a sport of large, dangerous men travelling very fast in a space that's too small for them. Hitting, scoring, shotblocking, goaltending and defense aside, it's also really fucking slippery out there, and most people can't even stand up on ice skates, much less concentrate on a piece of rubber smaller than their fist travelling 90-plus miles an hour.

But still, if you want to be a professional hockey player, you better start when you're 2 years old, and play almost every single day of your life.

Wanna be a professional bullrider?

Grow a pair of balls cowboy, and fill out the fucking form .


Anybody who thinks that hockey fighting is brutal oughta thank their lucky stars that we don't send Tie Domi out to center ice between periods, tighten a leather flankstrap around his nutsack and see how long it takes him to pitch a midget off his shoulders.

Come to think of it, I'd pay good money to see that, provided the midget was willing and well compensated.

Honestly, though- OLN did a pretty good job last night in a pair of meaningless games- great comeback by the Wings in the third period, and it was fun watching Jumbo Joe in San Jose, even if they did keep him off the board. Also, Pierre Maguire continues to prove himself as one of the best commentators in the game. I just googled the guy and couldn't find a regular column for him, which is a damn shame. Good thing the NHL gave Elisha Cuthbert a hockey blog. I tried to do a direct link, and the NHL site won't let me, but it's there, I swear to you. Go to blogs, and scroll down to see the "celebrity bloggers."

You know why baseball is America's pastime? In part, because Major League Baseball hires good writers with an exceptional knowlege of the game. You know why hockey isn't? Because the NHL is handing out columns to people whose sole credentials appear to be playing bass for Godsmack or having sexual intercourse with Sean Avery, two behaviors that in my humble opinion, should not be rewarded.

Tomorrow I'll talk playoffs, cause all we know so far is Sharks-Nashville and Detroit-Edmonton, and you'd have to be a jackass to pick either the Preds or Oilers. Argue with me if you want, but if either team wins it's an upset, so batting around the fact that the Preds are bettter with Vokoun bores me.

By this time tomorrow, we should know most of our matchups, so tune back in then, and if you know Sean Avery, have him drop me a line- I need all the help I can get.

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