Christ, Jesus.

I just read the box score of the Boston/Buffalo game, and at this point, I'm fairly convinced that if you put on a blindfold and whack the Boston Bruins with a stick, candy will come out.

They have given up 13 goals in two games and have exactly one fighting major.

One?!

I mean, good for you, Wayne Primeau- but as for the rest of you, I'm ashamed.

I have half a mind to pay the 80 bucks just to boo you in person.

There was an article in the Globe after yesterday's debacle against the Rangers that mentioned the Bruins were looking at videotape to correct the situation.

Well guess what, douchebags, it's not videotape you should be watching.

It's YouTube.



Watch and learn guys, and pay particular attention at the 1:31 remaining mark for the gloves flying off so fast that it looks like they're making popcorn out there.

The only silver lining about all this is that I didn't go and watch the game tonight with Jen, who is in training to become an American Hockey Fan, and has chosen the Sabres as her team. In a moment of weakness I almost certainly would have brought up Brett Hull's fate, uh- oh, I'm sorry, did I say fate? I meant "skate," which is out of line. Of course, maybe that wouldn't have been so bad. I'm not sure she knows about that yet.

Well, click that link, Jen, if you're gonna be a Sabres fan, these are things you'll need to learn.

The only silver lining to all this is that these teams meet again on Thursday night, this time on Boston ice. The great Dan Wetzel article that I linked to yesterday mentions that Bettman has arranged more home-and-home series this season, but adds the great point that with fighting and aggression systematically officiated out of the game, a home-and-home series is like drinking a non-alcoholic beer.

But fighting's not completely gone.

Add the fact that the Bruins have been embarrassed twice in a row now, once on home ice, and now again on the road. On Thursday night, they get to meet the team who handed them their most recent humiliation, this time in front of their own fans. Do they want to extend that streak of humiliation to three? Do they want to show what is arguably the best team in the East that they are willing to lie down twice in a row, this time in their own rink? Do they want to show the world that the Boston Bruins are most definitely not a playoff team?

Or do they want to throw a motherfucking punch?

They got a win against the Sabres not long ago, and they way they did it was by slowing them down. They hit them, and hit them, and hit them again. Add some good hustle, quality shots, and good goaltending and the Bruins can beat that team. I don't know if the Bruins (or for that matter, anybody) can beat them four times in April, but here's their shot at legitimacy.

I certainly am the furthest thing from a Bettman apologist, and I'm no fan of the altered schedule, but I gotta say this.

That schedule has set up a contest this Thursday that IS the Boston Bruins season.

They have been humiliated twice, they are on their home ice, and they are facing not only a leading contender to win the Stanley Cup this year, but the architects of their most recent disgrace.

You wanna prove you're a playoff team?

Beat a contender.

The Buffalo Sabres have one of the best road records in the league.

The Bruins are reeling.

You wanna stop the bleeding with an exclamation point, or get blown out again by a real hockey team and limp your way through the second half?

Put up or shut up.

Fuck, I wish I had the hockey package.