I should write for Letterman.

And Now-Tonight's Top Ten List, from the home office at the TD Banknorth Garden in Boston Massachusetts:












Top Ten Reasons The Boston Bruins Sucked Ass Last Night

Number 10:

Johnny Pohl on the power play, with his 6th of the year - assists from Boyd Devereaux and Pavel Kubina

Number 9:

Bates Battaglia with his 5th of the year, with assists from Ian White and Johnny Pohl

Number 8:

Alexander Steen with his 5th of the year, with assists from Ian White, and Andrew Raycroft, (for the love of God)

Number 7:

Bates Battaglia with his second of the evening, with assists from Johnny Pohl and Boyd Devereaux

Number 6:

Alexander Steen with his second of the evening with assists from Jeff O'Neill and Mats Sundin

Number 5:

Kris Newbury with his 2nd of the year with assists from Alexander Steen and Matthew Stajan

Number 4:

Matthew Stajan with his 7th of the year with assists from Tomas Kaberle and Boyd Devereaux

Number 3:

Alexander Steen completing the hat trick with an assist from Hal Gill

Number 2:

Matthew Stajan with his 2nd of the night, this one shorthanded, with assists from Alexander Steen and Tomas Kaberle

And Number 1 :

It's Chad Kilger with his 7th of the year with assists from Kris Newbury and Matthew Stajan!

Thank you- thank you very much!
And standing right over there, is your musical director, Mr. Rene Rancourt!


(And, scene.)

Now can someone kill me?

Please?