Tuesday, January 16, 2007

The Nickname Conundrum

As fans of hockey on any level know, there is nothing so important to team chemistry as the nickname. I always imagine a sacred ritual in the dressing room like the scene from Animal House, where Belushi is randomly assigning noms de frat to the new pledges:

He's clearly wasted, so the nicknames don't make much sense. But in hockey, there is a system so simple that even a drunken former star of Saturday Night Live could master it. Consult the official AHF template provided below as a guide, and make hockey nicknames for you and all your friends:

Martin St. Louis = Marty
Rod Brind'Amour = Roddy
Patrick Marleau = Patty

Or, you can switch it up and use last names:

Brendan Shanahan = Shanny
Colin White = Whitey
Daniel Alfredsson = Alfie

The only known exception is Scott. No matter what your last name is, you're Scotty. End of discussion.

Anyway, this system is damn near foolproof, and has stood the test of time since the days of Gordon Howe (you probably know him as "Gordie"). There's just one problem...the Kings' new goalie.

Not a lot of great options there.


Jack said...

Buffalo Sabres Defenseman Brian Campbell = Soupie.

Check and mate, Duncan.

AHF Fan said...

Also in the grocery category:

San Joes Sharks defenseman Marc-Edouard Vlasic = Pickles

Sherry said...

If you want to go all cute and Japanese, you can call him Taka-Chan.

Just sayin'.

symbiont1 said...

yeah Taka-chan may be a wee bit too cute though.

well, Fukufuji...maybe "the Mountain", since he's a goalie and mountains are difficult to get by...and Fuji is a big mountain.

ok lame maybe....I was just thinking along the lines of the "Bhulin Wall"

Margee said...

I thought "Pickles" is fairly erudite for dudes who've had their heads punded into glass for so long.

And my only thought for Fukufuji (non-vulgar) was Mount Fuji. Or Fuji-la, as in Lauryn Hill and the gang. Maybe Fuji Apple if we wanna keep up the produce names.