Monday, November 27, 2006

Maxim Magazine

OK- While my thoughts about Maxim Magazine are well documented, I think that their most recent outrage is worth discussing, especially in light of my problems with the people responsible for marketing the game of hockey in America. My views on this were articulated recently by a morose Flyers fan who plays on my beer league ice hockey team.

"They just don't get hockey," he said.

We had been rained out of our second game a few weeks ago, (We play in a killer outdoor rink at the North End of Central Park) and had decided to meet up at a midtown watering hole to, shall we say, increase team morale. Naturally, the conversation shifted to NHL hockey, and the fact that on a Monday night, how every TV in the bar was tuned to the football game; not one was on the Ranger game. I mean, sure, I get it that the NFL is big in this country, and Monday Night Football is an institution, but the fact is, if you are in a hometown bar, the hometown team should be on the TV. At least one of them. To a casual sports fan in this country, hockey doesn't exist, and in my mind, that's the fault of the marketing. My teammate took another sip and shook his head- "I mean, the things they value, the parts of the game that are great- they just don't get it."

To see a red hot example of this, take a gander at Maxim Magazine's recent slideshow Hockey's Toughest Bastards , which was emailed to me from Ben. I'm pretty sure he knew I'd flip out when I read it, and he loves to bait me.

While there are people on that list who are noble choices, their choice for number one was so asinine that I screamed aloud at my computer screen. I'll take a break and allow you to read the list. I guarantee you, you won't guess who number one is.

Spoilers after the break.




















#1 MARIO LEMIEUX

What?!!

The toughest bastard in hockey?!!

And how about this: "Tough Guy Cred: He beat cancer."

Wow.

So, what exactly do these dickheads think Saku Koivu beat, bird flu?

I mean, Jesus.

And while I understand that these lists are created to start controversy, that's just ignorance. I mean, if they would have picked Messier (who went #2) I guess I could have lived with it, but still, the stated "tough guy cred" is making the prediction of winning game 6 against the Devils? Great leadership, yes. Tough guy behavior, no. How about bringing up the fact that Messier shattered a guy's jaw with one punch? How about the time he cross checked Doug Gilmour in the face and changed the flow of a playoff series? That's the kind of controversy I expect. But to put Mario Lemieux on that list at all, not to mention at number one, shows that "they just don't get it."

Kevin Paul DuPont had some decent views in this week's Globe on how to improve the game as well.

By the way, I love DuPont, but that dude hates Joe Thornton. He was the columnist who called for Big Joe to give up the "C" after not talking to the media during his last big Bruin playoff collapse, and he makes the point this week about how Marc Savard is doing better than Big Joe so far this season, on a Points per game basis. I'd be interested in breaking down that comparison a little closer with some different stats- Hey Forechecker are you listening?
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UPDATE! Nov. 27 4:22 PM: HE WAS LISTENING!
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Oh, and just for fun, maybe some of the real hockey fans out there could leave a comment with their suggestion of a better number one on Maxim's little list. I can think of four right off the top of my head, none of which are mentioned. That list is to hockey knowledge what Maxim is to pornography.

Close, but far from getting the job done.

21 comments:

Rachael said...

hmm...Marty McSorley? Also, if they're using playing injured as criteria, Bobby Orr should be on there too!

I was so worried that Domi was going to be number 1! However, I do believe that he should be on the list just for the number of times he's fought someone bigger than him.

The Reddest Wing said...

How about the whole of the Avs and the Wings in 1997 for giving us this brawl. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoVt4ZEEfrU

I am not positive who it is that clotheslines Patrick Roy right at the start but that is classic. And in my opinion, the best goalie fight there is.

joe said...

Esa Tikanen, Darren McCarty, Cam Neely

joe said...

It was Brendan Shanahan that clotheslines Roy.

Doogie said...

Mark Messier single-handedly took out three Flames in one period back in, I believe, '84.

Three guys. One period.

That's one bad motherfucker.

Ben said...

Marty McSorley
Cam Neely
Tie Domi
Ron Hextall
Pierre "Butch" Bouchard
Ryan Smith at the limit
must be in the list

Flippy said...

Bah, what do you expect from a magazine who can't even correctly spell Tonya Harding's name in the headline?

I thought consensus amongst other "tough bastards" was that Bob Probert was the toughest. I can't believe that Tie didn't even make the top 15. My mother beat cancer too, does that make her a tougher bastard than Mario, because she was a chick...in her 50's?

sven patrick larsen said...

Gotta love a blog audience that gives it up for Butch Bouchard.

If being small and still dishing it out makes you a tough guy, how about Henri "the Pocket Rocket" Richard? He got in as many fights as Gilmour but he was only 5'6" on a good day. Oh, and he also won 11 Stanley Cups.

You have to wonder if Probert would have been such a tough guy if he wasn't so coked up every night that he couldn't feel any pain. Me I like Joey Kocur, who was Probert before Probert in New York and Detroit.

And if you're picking Oilers like Cementhead, you've got to have Jeff Beukeboom on your list.

How about an alternative list? Biggest bastards in hockey. I'd start with Bobby Clark and Darius kasparitis. Plus it wil give Ritchie another chance to write about how much he hates Ulf Samuelson.

sven patrick larsen said...

Gotta love a blog audience that gives it up for Butch Bouchard.

If being small and still dishing it out makes you a tough guy, how about Henri "the Pocket Rocket" Richard? He got in as many fights as Gilmour but he was only 5'6" on a good day. Oh, and he also won 11 Stanley Cups.

You have to wonder if Probert would have been such a tough guy if he wasn't so coked up every night that he couldn't feel any pain. Me I like Joey Kocur, who was Probert before Probert in New York and Detroit.

And if you're picking Oilers like Cementhead, you've got to have Jeff Beukeboom on your list.

How about an alternative list? Biggest bastards in hockey. I'd start with Bobby Clark and Darius kasparitis. Plus it wil give Ritchie another chance to write about how much he hates Ulf Samuelson.

joe said...

if you're talking biggest bastards the top of the list is claude lemieux.

Anonymous said...

Can i get a little love for Terry O'Reily? THis guy spent so much time in the penalty box in the Boston Garden, when they tore the old barn down they GAVE hime the home penalty box!

He has his jersey retired by the B's for being a consumate teamate- willing to stand up to anyone in the league who screwd with his boys.

As a coach he went to bat by throwing sticks and water bottles all over the ice when he didn't like a call. Can someone find this on YouTube- I have too much shit to do today

Ritch said...

Terry O'Reilly, Cam Neely, Claude Lemieux and Ulfie were the first four that I felt might be popping up at number one.

And I hate Ulf, but at least I'd understand it if someone chose that.

Ritch said...

By request, a little Terry O'Reilly:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgTYTAtm6pw

Ben said...

One awesome bastard is Darcy Tucker.

vh2k6 said...

Tucker is a fucking pussy.

Flippy said...

I dunno, I think Tucker's pretty tough. You may disagree with his tactics, but he gets the job done. And what pussy ends up that beat up (in a variety of ways - hits, fights, retaliations, etc.)

Then again, I'm partial to Darcy & Tie, as a fairly recent fan. I love Wade Belak...off the ice. He's a funny guy with a good sense of humor, but he seems to take so many bad penalties that ruin him for me.

joe said...

Speaking of tough bastards, how about my favorite player ever.

Dino Ciccarelli

thehockeychick said...

How about the Grim Reaper? Did they forget about the Twister? Um, Dale Hunter? Jesus, Maxim sucks. It's like a bad hooker that talks too much. Just look pretty and no more talkie talkie.

vh2k6 said...

Tucker is a pussy in the same sense that Sean Avery is a pussy.

Didn't Tucker pick on Patrick Eaves or something earlier this year?

Anonymous said...

Yeah Tucker went after Eaves....Tucker has mastered the cheap shot. Yet to hear the Tucker Backer's talk, well they always say "He just picks his spots". Hmmm funny how most of the spots he picks are against non-fighters or people that have their backs turned to him. If a guy like McGratton or Brashear where to challenge him openly though, he always skates away. Even last week against Boston....Savard comes up behind him and gives him a tap with the stick to challenge him and what does Tucker do? Doesn't drop the gloves and fight...he just whips around and cross checks Savard in the face. Mara forced the issue and Tucker actually had to fight eventually....

Andrew N. said...

vh2k6
You're an idiot thank you.

Darcy tucker is anything but a pussy, just youtube darcy tucker and watch his fights, people bigger than him constantly.

Also, it might have helped patrick eaves if he didnt HEADBUTT tucker in the face. You don't want to fight Tucker, start by not headbutting him.