Friday, September 08, 2006

After all of this Evgeni Mallkin nonsense-

-no one has seemed to mention perhaps the saddest part of this whole ridiculous story, mainly that he is stepping away from a Russian team with just about the bitchin-est name I've ever heard for a hockey team in my life.

I mean, what the hell is your problem when you no longer want to suit up for METALLURG MAGNITOGORSK?

What do you mean you don't want to play for METALLURG MAGNITOGORSK!?

If you're playing for Metallurg Magnitogorsk, you aren't just a hockey player, you're a legend, a monster, a 60 foot robot striding confidently through the smoldering wreckage of your enemies, crushing with your metal fists everything you didn't eliminate at long range with your fully automatic, shoulder-mounted hellfire missiles.

I just did some internet research, and check out this bio:

For millions of years, METALLURG MAGNITOGORSK has led fanatical legions of evil DECEPTICONS in a single-minded desire for the enslavement of the Universe. It's intellect, ego and talent for deception are second to none, and it rules with an iron-fisted combination of fear and force of personality. Driven by a nearly insane lust for power, METALLURG MAGNITOGORSK managed not only to survive the catastrophic implosion of UNICRON, but absorbed much of his power. Now, wearing salvaged pieces of the ancient destroyer's armor, the awesomely powerful METALLURG MAGNITOGORSK is determined to beat OPTIMUS PRIME and the AUTOBOTS to the lost Planet Keys.

Actually, that's Megatron , but you get my point- you're gonna leave all that to become a "Penguin?"

Somewhere, Ivan Drago is weeping.

3 comments:

Ben said...

Re: METALLURG MAGNITOGORSK

I saw them at Ozzfest last year...fuckin' hard core.

roddie said...

I hear Chuck Norris owns Metallurg Magnitogorsk.

Doc Nagel said...

What if it's a giant electric penguin? With tentacles, or something? That sting? Or, er... No, wait, that's a Monty Python sketch, isn't it? Ah, shit.

GO PENS! GO PENS! GO PENS!

Hah! I showed you who's got mad deception skills! Stick that in yer pipe and smoke it, ya Pens-hatin' goon!