Thursday, July 31, 2008

RIP "The Nosebleeds"

Well, as some of you know- I was one of the writers for the comedy sports blog "The Nosebleeds." That blog was funny, and a lot of fun, until, well- we all just stopped writing. Not quite sure how that happened, but there you go.

Now that the blog has been "suspended for lack of payment," and the editor, the very funny comedian Liam McEneaney, is performing over in Scotland, I'm gonna go ahead and call it.

The Nosebleeds is dead.

And since there isn't a heck of a lot of hockey news, I thought I'd raid the raw files of the Nosebleeds, and re-print one of my favorite posts. Originally posted on August 15th of last year, it dealt with Michael Vick, who at the time, had been indicted on dogfighting charges, but not convicted.

The following post was written by my cat Grapes, and brings the kind of perspective to the dogfighting issue that only a cat can bring. In case you think this is a stretch for AHF, Grapes is named for Don Cherry, which makes it about as hockey related as I can muster on the 31st of July.

Enjoy:


Michael Vick Deserves Our Support

By Grapes the Cat, Guest Columnist for the Nosebleeds


Greetings sports fans! As I was lying atop a newspaper today, I noticed that Michael Vick is facing Federal charges of dogfighting. Most of the sports community is either condemning Vick outright, or withholding judgment until due process takes it's course. I would like to recommend a third path, and send a passionate, heartfelt message of support to Michael Vick on behalf of not only myself, but cats in general:

We support you Michael Vick.

In a related point, fuck dogs.

Seriously, dogs are assholes, generally stupid, and deserve whatever they get.

Dogs were shot? Sweet.
Dogs were hung? Awesome.
Dogs were drowned? Great News!
Dogs were electrocuted? My only regret is I can't see every single one of those filthy, vicious pricks bursting into a shower of sparks on Youtube.

For Christ's sake, look at what you're defending!

Yeah, let's all make sure these fucking idiots are well cared for.

I have heard that dogfighting is cruel, but I respectfully disagree. It is really, really funny. We all know the dog that loses the fight gets killed. While that is unquestionably awesome, it gets even better. Guess what happens to the winner if he gets injured?

They kill him too!

Ah-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Too bad, Scraps! Congrats on the big win buddy, here's your trophy: it's um, noose-shaped. Oh, my. I apologize. My sides are hurting from laughing so hard at these stupid fucking dogs.

In closing, I would like to urge all of you not to leap to judgment. There is no definitive proof Michael Vick has committed any crimes against dogs, and while all of us earnestly hope that he did, it is also our earnest hope that he will get away with it, and return to a long, prosperous career electrocuting, shooting, hanging and drowning dogs.

Best,

Grapes the Cat.


PS: If you are a dog, go fuck yourself.

1 comment:

Jill said...

Oh, if the Nosebleeds are really gone...I am so sad. I laughed my HEAD off. Grapes the cat...you are hilarious. You need to teach Isabelle (your cousin cat) some comedy sometime....