Thank God there is no hockey tonight.

Cause you know what would crush the Stanley Cup Final in tonight's ratings?

SPELLING BEE!

Jesus, I love the spelling bee.

It's the perfect storm or nerdiness, child abuse, and white-knuckled tension.

Check this out:



I know that I bitch a lot about NHL promos, but I'll tell ya, the NHL would do OK to get a couple of these kids up on a podium and get them to try to spell the more difficult names of some of the NHL stars.

Here's how it goes:


LITTLE NERDY KID APPROACHES PODIUM, STANDS NERVOUSLY.

STERN JUDGE (Voiceover): Afinogenov.

KID: Definition please?

JUDGE: The last name of Maxim Afinogenov, an All Star Right Wing for the National Hockey League's Buffalo Sabres.

KID: Language of Origin please?

JUDGE: Russian

KID: Part of Speech please?

JUDGE: Noun, proper name.

KID: Afinogenov?

JUDGE: Afinogenov.

KID: Afinogenov?

JUDGE: Afinogenov.

KID: Can you use it in a sentence please?

JUDGE: After picking off a pass in the neutral zone, Afinogenov electrified the crowd by beating two defenders and scoring.

KID: Afinogenov. A-F-I-N-A-G-E-N-O-V. Afinogenov.

(BELL DINGS, THE KID GOT IT WRONG. THE KID REACTS IN SHOCKED DISAPPOINTMENT)

CUT TO CLIP OF AFINOGENOV PICKING OFF A PASS IN THE NEUTRAL ZONE, BEATING TWO DEFENDERS AND SCORING, ELECTRIFYING THE CROWD.

CUT TO EXIT SCREEN WITH NHL LOGO

VOICEOVER: The players of the National Hockey League: Hard to Spell, Easy to watch.

END

Then rinse and repeat with a different kid, doing Giguere, Kostitsyn, Datsyuk, you name it. You get a funny little sketch, and a great hockey highlight.

Perfect.

You see NHL?

How fucking hard is that?