The New York Post is a family newspaper

Which is why, in their story about the snapping of Jay Pandolfo's 307-game iron man streak, they did us all a favor and cleaned up the reaction of defenseman Colin White:

"Oh, [shoot]," said Colin White, when he found out Pandolfo won't be playing tonight.

Jeepers, I wonder what he actually said?? (NOTE - I have it on good authority that it was "fiddlesticks.")

It made me think of this classic Mr. Show bit:



And more importantly, it made me think of a way to squeeze out a half-assed AHF post with little to no effort. Thanks, New York Post!

Bad news, everybody

The Ladies Raglan Top at HenrikZetterbergShop.com is officially:

The good news is, you can take that $33.99 (!) and spend it elsewhere on the site.

That's right, folks. HenrikZetterbergShop.com - the premiere online destination when shopping for that special someone on your holiday list who really, really, really likes Henrik Zetterberg.

If you're looking for Ritch

at today's Isles/Bruins matinee, you can stop looking:


No, no, that's Peter Schaefer. Behind him:


Yep. That's him.

The New Jersey Devils-

Just aren't trying that hard.

Here's an email I received today:

Happy Tuukka Day!

Sorry, that's Turkey Day.

You know what I mean.

For those of you watching the Bruins and Islanders at noon tomorrow, look for yours truly up against the glass just to the right of the vistors bench, a couple of feet inside the blue line.

I'm thinking of making a sign.

Any suggestions?

Attention: Darcy Tucker

You might want to make note of this in preparation for the next time you play the Rangers. Should make for an interesting warmup before the game.

Well, we headed out to Newark last night-

- and we didn't get murdered.

Too bad the Devils couldn't say the same.

The AHF crew headed out to see the Penguins slaughter the Devils, which was weird, seeing as the Penguins didn't even play all that well. We did get to see Sidney Crosby do a trick or two, and Malkin have a few nice moves before falling to the ice and dishing off a pass for a nice assist, but it still wasn't that satisfying.

One thing I did learn is how much I hate Evgeni Malkin. I know, he's good at hockey and everything, I just hate looking at the son of a bitch. He looks like that vaguely overweight , borderline retarded kid who used to live on your block, hit your dad up to rake your yard, and then do a shitty job. One of those slobs with the perpetual wet lower lip.

Still, he raked up the Devils without too much trouble last night, I'll tell ya that much.

Honestly, I don't know that I've ever seen a shittier hockey game in a nicer arena. Sweet sightlines, good food, not a great turnout, but if these Devils have been putting out the kind of effort I saw last night all season, I can understand why.

Seriously, Elias played better when he had Hepitatis.

The crowd was none too pleased to see Petr Sykora scoring goals either. I was half expecting Jason Arnott to walk into the arena in street clothes and take a dump on the brand new Devils carpet.

Still, great arena, good times.

The Sean Avery Olympics

Sean Avery, seen here swimming in the off-season.

In honor of his truly groundbreaking performance this weekend (we're talking off-ice performance, of course), we here at American Hockey Fan are proud to welcome you all to the first annual Sean Avery Olympics! Please refer to your program below for a listing of the inaugural events:

Running



Hiding



Diving



Spearing



Cheapshotting



Turtling



And, of course, just being an all-around scumbag (demonstration event).

In all seriousness, though, there's a big difference between Sean Avery and a Ryan Hollweg, say, or a Darcy Tucker (both of whom I also hate). Getting under someone's skin is one thing, but Avery is just plain reckless. How much longer is this guy going to be allowed to endanger the other players on the ice? Are a few good soundbites really worth somebody else's health or career?