I dare ya!
The Celtics pick up Kevin Garnett, who is so good at basketball that even I have heard of him, and the Red Sox pick up Eric Gagne, who not only have I heard of, but his name means "win" in French, so even the goddamn Canadiens will know what every single sports fan in the world is now so painfully aware of:
The Boston Bruins, the team of Bobby Orr, Cam Neely and Raymond Bourque is now the official toilet of the Boston sports scene.
You're on the bottom now, lads- and it's up to you.
Hey- Jeremy Jacobs!
Zdeno Chara stands six foot nine.
That's only two inches shorter than Kevin Garnett, but for this Boston sports fan it feels like the Bruins are coming up a hell of a lot shorter than that.