Sweet fight near the end there, too.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
A Horrifying Halloween Nightmare.
WARNING!
NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART.
This sends a deadly chill down my spine every time I see it.
TERRIFYING!
As a Bruins fan, the only thing that makes it kind of OK is that Michael Ryder is involved. (He hasn't scored 3 for the Bruins yet, to be sure, but it's a little early to pile on.)
NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART.
This sends a deadly chill down my spine every time I see it.
TERRIFYING!
As a Bruins fan, the only thing that makes it kind of OK is that Michael Ryder is involved. (He hasn't scored 3 for the Bruins yet, to be sure, but it's a little early to pile on.)
Friday, October 24, 2008
Palin booed again at St. Louis Blues opener
-I just watched this on the hockey package, and yep, she got booed, even though the local affliliate actually didn't televise her introduction, merely coming back from commercial as the chorus of boos blended in with loud, generic crowd noise.
My guess is the official party line will be "The fans in St Louis liked her fine, but were just expressing their loves for the Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuues!"
UPDATE:
After Palin dropped the puck at the St. Louis opener, Philadelphia finally won it's first game, beating the New Jersey Devils 6-3.
As though that wasn't bad enough, Manny Legace, the Blues starting goalie, slipped on the carpet laid out for Palin and her family, and appeared to reinjure his knee. After giving up two goals in the first period, Legace was replaced by rookie Ben Bishop, who has given up two more goals on 16 shots in his NHL debut.
With less than three minutes left in the third period, the Blues are now losing 4-0.
We've all seen what Sarah Palin has done to John McCain's presidential campaign, and the Philadelphia Flyers.
It would take comeback akin to, well, what it would take for John McCain to come back, for the Blues to win this game.
Could the curse of Sarah Palin have been passed to the St. Louis Blues?
My guess is the official party line will be "The fans in St Louis liked her fine, but were just expressing their loves for the Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuues!"
UPDATE:
After Palin dropped the puck at the St. Louis opener, Philadelphia finally won it's first game, beating the New Jersey Devils 6-3.
As though that wasn't bad enough, Manny Legace, the Blues starting goalie, slipped on the carpet laid out for Palin and her family, and appeared to reinjure his knee. After giving up two goals in the first period, Legace was replaced by rookie Ben Bishop, who has given up two more goals on 16 shots in his NHL debut.
With less than three minutes left in the third period, the Blues are now losing 4-0.
We've all seen what Sarah Palin has done to John McCain's presidential campaign, and the Philadelphia Flyers.
It would take comeback akin to, well, what it would take for John McCain to come back, for the Blues to win this game.
Could the curse of Sarah Palin have been passed to the St. Louis Blues?
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Several Questions not asked of Jordan Staal after his teams' shootout victory over the Boston Bruins
OK- so the Bruins dropped another shootout last night, this time to the hated Penguins.
I'm getting tired of this. They played well, they just couldn't find the net after multiple powerplays. It's a problem, but it's also a young season. When Bergeron breaks through, they'll start winning.
Still, the B's looked good against the Pens, and dodged a real bullet in overtime when Bergeron broke his stick, leaving the Bruins effectively trying to kill a 3 on 2 powerplay.
Scary.
Oh, and how did they get into a 3-on-3 situation, not to mention the 3-on-2 that was caused by the broken stick?
The Associated Press report of the game provides the most succinct description:
I've checked a few different papers, and all of them tend to say the same thing, that Jordan Staal was penalized for slashing. Not one of these news organizations mentioned exactly WHERE Dennis Wideman was slashed, and I'm still looking for a YouTube clip. The official NHL Video link doesn't include it.
Still, because the area in which Mr. Staal applied the lumber was not disclosed, I'll go ahead and assume that there were several questions which were not asked of Jordan Staal after the game.
I'll go ahead and ask them here, and you can write your local NHL affiliate, and demand that in the future, I be given press access after all the games so that the truly important questions do not remain unasked:
-So, Jordan- what's up with slashing Dennis Wideman in the balls?
-Seriously, the coin-purse? Right through his legs? Do you think that's OK behavior?
-You have two brothers in the NHL. How did it happen that you didn't learn that sticking somebody in the fruitstand isn't cool?
-Don Cherry used to rave about how much he liked you. You know what Don Cherry also likes? His Grapes. For real now, what's your goddamn problem?
-Oh, hey- Jordan, remember that play when you slashed Dennis Wideman square in the danglers? If someone had done that to your father back in the day, the NHL would have two less honorable players, and one less guy who likes to slash dudes in the biscuits. Do you think it's worth eliminating two good things to accomplish just one? OK- that came out wrong, because in your case, you clearly felt that slashing both of Wideman's nuts was worth well, I dunno, what was that worth?
-Seriously. Jordan. Why his nuts?
-What the hell is the matter with you?
UPDATE:
I found a clip of the incident.
OK, not the actual incident, but a similar one.
As always, I await answers.
I'm getting tired of this. They played well, they just couldn't find the net after multiple powerplays. It's a problem, but it's also a young season. When Bergeron breaks through, they'll start winning.
Still, the B's looked good against the Pens, and dodged a real bullet in overtime when Bergeron broke his stick, leaving the Bruins effectively trying to kill a 3 on 2 powerplay.
Scary.
Oh, and how did they get into a 3-on-3 situation, not to mention the 3-on-2 that was caused by the broken stick?
The Associated Press report of the game provides the most succinct description:
The teams played 3-on-3 for the final 1:35 of the extra period after Savard was whistled for hooking and Jordan Staal was sent off for slashing 17 seconds later.
I've checked a few different papers, and all of them tend to say the same thing, that Jordan Staal was penalized for slashing. Not one of these news organizations mentioned exactly WHERE Dennis Wideman was slashed, and I'm still looking for a YouTube clip. The official NHL Video link doesn't include it.
Still, because the area in which Mr. Staal applied the lumber was not disclosed, I'll go ahead and assume that there were several questions which were not asked of Jordan Staal after the game.
I'll go ahead and ask them here, and you can write your local NHL affiliate, and demand that in the future, I be given press access after all the games so that the truly important questions do not remain unasked:
-So, Jordan- what's up with slashing Dennis Wideman in the balls?
-Seriously, the coin-purse? Right through his legs? Do you think that's OK behavior?
-You have two brothers in the NHL. How did it happen that you didn't learn that sticking somebody in the fruitstand isn't cool?
-Don Cherry used to rave about how much he liked you. You know what Don Cherry also likes? His Grapes. For real now, what's your goddamn problem?
-Oh, hey- Jordan, remember that play when you slashed Dennis Wideman square in the danglers? If someone had done that to your father back in the day, the NHL would have two less honorable players, and one less guy who likes to slash dudes in the biscuits. Do you think it's worth eliminating two good things to accomplish just one? OK- that came out wrong, because in your case, you clearly felt that slashing both of Wideman's nuts was worth well, I dunno, what was that worth?
-Seriously. Jordan. Why his nuts?
-What the hell is the matter with you?
UPDATE:
I found a clip of the incident.
OK, not the actual incident, but a similar one.
As always, I await answers.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
B's/Habs wrapup-
Well, it was a good game.
The Bruins got a little lucky with the bounce off the back boards, but on the home opener of the centennial season of the Montreal Canadiens, the fact that the home team doesn't get that bounce?
I think it bodes well for the B's.
Ultimately, I'll say that once again, I'm disappointed in the shootout.
It continues to not only water down the thrill of the penalty shot, but provided the Habs with a win that didn't feel like much, and left the Bruins with a loss that felt like they stole a point.
When a win doesn't feel like a win, and a loss feels like a minor victory, there is something wrong with the game.
I hate to tell you, but that game was a tie, and there is nothing wrong with a tie in the regular season, especially between these two magnificent franchises, with the entire season in front of them.
A win in the shootout is like kissing your sister.
Am I alone here?
The Bruins got a little lucky with the bounce off the back boards, but on the home opener of the centennial season of the Montreal Canadiens, the fact that the home team doesn't get that bounce?
I think it bodes well for the B's.
Ultimately, I'll say that once again, I'm disappointed in the shootout.
It continues to not only water down the thrill of the penalty shot, but provided the Habs with a win that didn't feel like much, and left the Bruins with a loss that felt like they stole a point.
When a win doesn't feel like a win, and a loss feels like a minor victory, there is something wrong with the game.
I hate to tell you, but that game was a tie, and there is nothing wrong with a tie in the regular season, especially between these two magnificent franchises, with the entire season in front of them.
A win in the shootout is like kissing your sister.
Am I alone here?
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Hey, McCain Campaign!
How'd that whole "pander to Hockey Moms with your VP candidate" thing go?
from today's Washington Post:
Yeah, that's about what I thought.
And now- for some in depth, well thought out hockey analysis:
Hey- how 'bout those Bruins?
Seriously, they look good out there.
And, yeah, I know about Manny Fernandez. He hasn't played hockey for a year.
But they look good.
Not "HolyfuckingshittheRangersarefiveandO" good, but good.
Trust me, they look good.
from today's Washington Post:
Obama holds double-digit margins over McCain in Minnesota, Michigan and Wisconsin and carries a nine-point advantage over his Republican rival in Colorado, according to polling conducted by Quinnipiac University for washingtonpost.com and the Wall Street Journal.
Yeah, that's about what I thought.
And now- for some in depth, well thought out hockey analysis:
Hey- how 'bout those Bruins?
Seriously, they look good out there.
And, yeah, I know about Manny Fernandez. He hasn't played hockey for a year.
But they look good.
Not "HolyfuckingshittheRangersarefiveandO" good, but good.
Trust me, they look good.
Friday, October 10, 2008
"A crisis of confidence"
That's how I heard the global financial meltdown described on NPR this morning. They called it "a crisis of confidence."I don't claim to understand all the details of this mess, but I have been willing to say that putting the logo of the goddamn Montreal Canadiens on money helps no one.
And, for the record, neither will this:
Wow!
Yeah, nothing restores confidence like Gary Bettman and the New York Islanders.
Really?
What- I guess the Grim Reaper and the Ghost of Hitler were busy that day? You couldn't get former FEMA chief Michael Brown, along with the remaining three survivors of the Titanic disaster? Oh, I know- how about Ziggy? Yes, the cartoon character Ziggy, complete with cartoon raincloud pouring rain over his head. Wait, Ziggy- and Patient Zero. That might be slightly worse for consumer confidence.
Jesus, Christ.
Is there a bigger metaphor for "everything he touches turns to shit" than that?
Gary Bettman ringing the bell of the New York Stock Exchange.
Nice work, buddy.
OK- It's been quite a week. Sorry I didn't comment on more of the sideshow that's been running around the NHL, but I was busy, um- watching hockey.
And there is a lot of awful stuff going on around the NHL.
Seriously, as though losing Reggie Dunlop wasn't enough, the next thing you know, Def Leppard is allowed to run around with the Stanley Cup, Gary Bettman is ringing the stock exchange bell, and Sarah Palin is dropping the puck in Philly.
Wow.
Good on Larry Brooks for calling bullshit on that last one there, even if the idiots in the comments section don't back him up.
Seriously- Is that the way the NHL wants to sell itself? With the New York Stock Exchange, Def Leppard and Sarah Palin?
Well, lucky for hockey, the NHL still has two things even the marketing idiots at the NHL can't fuck up: The game itself, and the great fans who love it, despite the idiocy they throw at us.
Check out this Youtube clip, shot by fan, of the classy, wonderful banner raising ceremony out at the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit.
That's how you do it, Gary.
You'll note they didn't raise the banner upside down.
And, for the record, neither will this:
Wow!
Yeah, nothing restores confidence like Gary Bettman and the New York Islanders.
Really?
What- I guess the Grim Reaper and the Ghost of Hitler were busy that day? You couldn't get former FEMA chief Michael Brown, along with the remaining three survivors of the Titanic disaster? Oh, I know- how about Ziggy? Yes, the cartoon character Ziggy, complete with cartoon raincloud pouring rain over his head. Wait, Ziggy- and Patient Zero. That might be slightly worse for consumer confidence.
Jesus, Christ.
Is there a bigger metaphor for "everything he touches turns to shit" than that?
Gary Bettman ringing the bell of the New York Stock Exchange.
Nice work, buddy.
OK- It's been quite a week. Sorry I didn't comment on more of the sideshow that's been running around the NHL, but I was busy, um- watching hockey.
And there is a lot of awful stuff going on around the NHL.
Seriously, as though losing Reggie Dunlop wasn't enough, the next thing you know, Def Leppard is allowed to run around with the Stanley Cup, Gary Bettman is ringing the stock exchange bell, and Sarah Palin is dropping the puck in Philly.
Wow.
Good on Larry Brooks for calling bullshit on that last one there, even if the idiots in the comments section don't back him up.
Seriously- Is that the way the NHL wants to sell itself? With the New York Stock Exchange, Def Leppard and Sarah Palin?
Well, lucky for hockey, the NHL still has two things even the marketing idiots at the NHL can't fuck up: The game itself, and the great fans who love it, despite the idiocy they throw at us.
Check out this Youtube clip, shot by fan, of the classy, wonderful banner raising ceremony out at the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit.
That's how you do it, Gary.
You'll note they didn't raise the banner upside down.
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Def Leppard?
Really?
Def Leppard?
(sigh)
UPDATE: Holy Shit.
This is utterly disrespectful.
Someone at the NHL should be fired for this.
Can someone explain to me why exactly people at the NHL think that things other than the game of hockey will somehow encourage Americans to watch hockey?
New Rule: No one from fucking Def Leppard is allowed to touch the Stanley Cup.
They can read it if they want.
As a side note, how about those Bruins?
Def Leppard?
(sigh)
UPDATE: Holy Shit.
This is utterly disrespectful.
Someone at the NHL should be fired for this.
Can someone explain to me why exactly people at the NHL think that things other than the game of hockey will somehow encourage Americans to watch hockey?
New Rule: No one from fucking Def Leppard is allowed to touch the Stanley Cup.
They can read it if they want.
As a side note, how about those Bruins?
Friday, September 26, 2008
No wonder the economy is going to hell-
They're putting a Montreal Canadiens logo on the canadian dollar.
You heard me.
Jesus.
Talk about devaluing the currency.
You heard me.
Jesus.
Talk about devaluing the currency.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
More from the hockey mom.
Goddamnit, I'm sorry.
I mean it- I'm really, really sorry.
But for fuck's sake, look at this:
Watch CBS Videos Online
You know, despite how stupid this looks, it might help her with her base. No matter how terribly this interview was going, she did not abort it. Still, it looks like rather than educating Palin about how to do interviews, the McCain camp would prefer she'd just abstain.
I mean it- I'm really, really sorry.
But for fuck's sake, look at this:
Watch CBS Videos Online
You know, despite how stupid this looks, it might help her with her base. No matter how terribly this interview was going, she did not abort it. Still, it looks like rather than educating Palin about how to do interviews, the McCain camp would prefer she'd just abstain.
Friday, September 19, 2008
End of an Era
Well, I got a sad email today from Jes Golbez, one of the first and finest hockey bloggers out there. He has announced that after 4+ years of hockey blogging, first on his great site Hockey Rants, as well as on The Sidney Crosby Show and as an excellent antagonizer of Americans on the AOL Fanhouse, he will be stepping away from hockey blogging to just enjoy the hockey season as a fan.
By way of tribute, I'll say that Jes was the first person I emailed when I considered starting this hockey blog, and I'll reprint the first email I sent him along with his detailed response.
From Ritch Duncan
to golbez
date Wed, May 3, 2006 at 1:44 PM
Hi Jes, my name is Ritch Duncan, and I'm a New York based,
Massachusetts raised comedian and writer that started my own hockey
blog a couple of weeks ago-
http://americanhockeyfan.blogspot.com
The focus of my thing is generally to write knowledgeably about
hockey, but being entertaining and funny is more important to me than
being taken seriously as a hockey journalist. Anyway, I've been
exploring the world of hockey blogging, and as I'm sure you know, it's
a pretty dense jungle.
Still, as I've been clicking around, It seems like you are one of the
best on the scene in terms of regular updates, a sense of humor, an
alternative perspective and actual chops in terms of knowing the game
and the people in it.
So I guess what I'm saying is, could you give the site a look, and if
you like it, maybe give a brother a tip or two?
Are there sites that I should be linking?
Are there places to register it?
Are there people out there who are doing the same thing as me, and am
I stepping on toes?
I mean, I know it's the internet and I can do whatever I want, but it
seems to me to make good sense to at least check in with those who I
perceive to be doing it right.
Any response at all would be much appreciated, and if I'm out of line
in asking, I truly apologize- I really don't know the etiquette here-
Keep up the good work and enjoy the rest of the playoffs,
Ritch
Now keep in mind, I don't know this guy, and less than two hours later, he sends me back this line by line response:
5/3/06
Jes Gölbez
to me
Ritch,
See my comments *** Inserted below
Anyway, I've been exploring the world of hockey blogging, and as I'm sure you know, it's
a pretty dense jungle.
** I wouldn't say that. Hockey blogging is nothing compared to the other major American sports. There is a lot of room out there for other blogs. **
Are there people out there who are doing the same thing as me, and am
I stepping on toes?
** A blog is a personal space. You can write whatever you want about whomever you want. As long as you aren't plagiarizing or failing to give credit, you'll be fine. Don't be afraid of toe-stepping or pissing people off.
It's a very good idea to exchange links with other sites. If you add your link and they add yours, you'll get cross-traffic, etc etc...most of my traffic comes through word-of-mouth or from other hockey blogs. Send some emails to other blog owners and try to get link exchanges. Most bloggers are pretty good with it. I can add your link to my sidebar if you do the same. Also, please add my Sidney Crosby site ( sidcrosby.blogspot.com) since that's my 'brother' site.
The biggest sites among hockey bloggers are Off Wing (www.offwing.com) and James Mirtle's site ( mirtle.blogspot.com). The Acid Queen is cool, and she'll do a link exchange if you ask. bergmanscores.blogspot.com is also a great site run by an Evil Swede.**
** Registering... it's a great idea to register your blog on www.hockeyblogs.org, plus a few other blogsites and directories like blogwise, yahoo, etc...I've done very little self promotion since I started the blog out. Trust me...anything you can register on to get a few more links here or there isn't a bad thing.
Also, comment on other people's blogs. Don't advertise your site in the actual comment, but just comment and a few people are bound to click your webpage (which is usually given in the comment section when you give your name, email, etc) and you'll get your name about. **
Any response at all would be much appreciated, and if I'm out of line
in asking, I truly apologize- I really don't know the ettiquette here-
** Well, there really isn't a general etiquette but you aren't telling me to Fuck off or asking me for money, so that's a start J. Asking questions is not a bad thing. The most import ant thing is to link/footnote anything you take/quote from another site. **
*One last tip: Try and participate in the HOCKEY BLOG CARNIVALS. It's a semi-regular event where one site hosts a 'carnival' and has links to other blogs pertaining to a theme. I don't know when the next one is, but it's usually advertised on Off Wing's site. Send in a post you think fits the carnival and it helps you get noticed *
--
Best Regards,
Jes Gölbez
That, ladies and gentlemen, is a goddamn class act, a good guy, a passionate hockey fan, and one of the founding fathers of hockey blogging as we know it today.
There may have been several who came before him, but damn few who did it better.
All of here at American Hockey Fan are on our feet and banging the boards with our online sticks in salute of him today.
Good on ya, Jes- thanks for everything.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Side Projects:
Well, it looks like I've milked just about as much off-season hi-jinx out of the Sarah Palin thing as humanly possible, so I'm going to take this opportunity to step away from hockey for a moment and let you know what I've been up to this summer.
As it happens, I've been kind of busy.
The big news is, along with my co-author, the tremendously talented Bob Powers, I have sold a book to Random House called "Living with Lycanthropy: A lifestyle guide for the modern werewolf." There's not much of an online presence as yet, but then again, we haven't, you know, written it yet. The manuscript is due by the end of the year, so with any luck, it'll be on bookshelves before the puck drops on the 2009 playoffs. Stay tuned.
I also recently sat in on a taping of the very funny Podcast "The Flophouse," an online radio show devoted to the mockery of bad movies. It's run by one of the finest writers from my old Jest Magazine days, Mr Dan McCoy. I checked the website recently, and the podcast I was in isn't up yet, but since I've already mentioned my werewolf book, and don't have a damn thing to show for it, I heartily recommend listening to their hilarious installment based on the classic 80's Michael J. Fox film Teen Wolf. It's about 10 minutes long, and well worth your time, you know, if you're the kind of person who might enjoy a podcast about the film "Teen Wolf." You know who you are.
Also, I have a humor piece in the October issue of Maxim magazine, which is on newsstands now. It's a comic flow chart called "The Decider" and it's designed to help George W. Bush decide who (if anybody) he would like to invade last, now that his presidency is winding down. I wrote it along with the uber-talented Scott Jacobson, who won a boatload of emmy awards writing for the Daily Show with Jon Stewart, and wrote most of the funnier jokes.
Seeing as that link sends you to his Wikipedia entry, I encourage any and all of you to edit it so that it says he was a member of the 1972 Stanley Cup winning Boston Bruins. We'll see how long it lasts up there. I'd do it, but I don't know how.
I am cataloging this list of my summer achievements, in small part because my copy of NHL 09 is currently en route to my apartment thanks to Amazon.com, and when that thing shows up, there is a good chance that any and all productivity will come to a standstill.
Wish me luck.
As it happens, I've been kind of busy.
The big news is, along with my co-author, the tremendously talented Bob Powers, I have sold a book to Random House called "Living with Lycanthropy: A lifestyle guide for the modern werewolf." There's not much of an online presence as yet, but then again, we haven't, you know, written it yet. The manuscript is due by the end of the year, so with any luck, it'll be on bookshelves before the puck drops on the 2009 playoffs. Stay tuned.
I also recently sat in on a taping of the very funny Podcast "The Flophouse," an online radio show devoted to the mockery of bad movies. It's run by one of the finest writers from my old Jest Magazine days, Mr Dan McCoy. I checked the website recently, and the podcast I was in isn't up yet, but since I've already mentioned my werewolf book, and don't have a damn thing to show for it, I heartily recommend listening to their hilarious installment based on the classic 80's Michael J. Fox film Teen Wolf. It's about 10 minutes long, and well worth your time, you know, if you're the kind of person who might enjoy a podcast about the film "Teen Wolf." You know who you are.
Also, I have a humor piece in the October issue of Maxim magazine, which is on newsstands now. It's a comic flow chart called "The Decider" and it's designed to help George W. Bush decide who (if anybody) he would like to invade last, now that his presidency is winding down. I wrote it along with the uber-talented Scott Jacobson, who won a boatload of emmy awards writing for the Daily Show with Jon Stewart, and wrote most of the funnier jokes.
Seeing as that link sends you to his Wikipedia entry, I encourage any and all of you to edit it so that it says he was a member of the 1972 Stanley Cup winning Boston Bruins. We'll see how long it lasts up there. I'd do it, but I don't know how.
I am cataloging this list of my summer achievements, in small part because my copy of NHL 09 is currently en route to my apartment thanks to Amazon.com, and when that thing shows up, there is a good chance that any and all productivity will come to a standstill.
Wish me luck.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
More Politics (sorta)
Here's an interesting blog post by a guy who claims that Sarah Palin isn't a hockey mom, she's a hockey agitator.
So if Sarah Palin is the Sean Avery of the political landscape, who are the other major players in this year's election?
John McCain: Marcus Naslund
Once unquestionably great, both McCain and Naslund have gotten old and less interesting than they were eight years ago, so they rolled the dice. McCain took a chance on a longshot VP pick, and Naslund is heading to the Rangers, where old hockey players go to die. But will their gambles pay off? We should know by November.
Barack Obama: Jarome Iginla.
Multiethnic background, killer charisma, screwy name, has gotten to the finals, but has yet to win it all. Does he have what it takes to silence the critics?
Joe Biden: Don Cherry
Unquestionable blue collar experience and knowledge, but tends to shoot off his mouth from time to time in a way that makes his bosses nervous.
George W. Bush: Todd Bertuzzi
Steve Moore's neck is the war in Iraq. Bert's no show stint with the Panthers after being traded for Roberto Luongo is the failed response to Katrina. Everything since then hasn't been THAT bad, but it's been a far cry from good, that's for sure.
Dick Cheney: Kevin Lowe.
Kind of an asshole, and runs a team called the Oilers.
So if Sarah Palin is the Sean Avery of the political landscape, who are the other major players in this year's election?
John McCain: Marcus Naslund
Once unquestionably great, both McCain and Naslund have gotten old and less interesting than they were eight years ago, so they rolled the dice. McCain took a chance on a longshot VP pick, and Naslund is heading to the Rangers, where old hockey players go to die. But will their gambles pay off? We should know by November.
Barack Obama: Jarome Iginla.
Multiethnic background, killer charisma, screwy name, has gotten to the finals, but has yet to win it all. Does he have what it takes to silence the critics?
Joe Biden: Don Cherry
Unquestionable blue collar experience and knowledge, but tends to shoot off his mouth from time to time in a way that makes his bosses nervous.
George W. Bush: Todd Bertuzzi
Steve Moore's neck is the war in Iraq. Bert's no show stint with the Panthers after being traded for Roberto Luongo is the failed response to Katrina. Everything since then hasn't been THAT bad, but it's been a far cry from good, that's for sure.
Dick Cheney: Kevin Lowe.
Kind of an asshole, and runs a team called the Oilers.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Name Bristol's Baby!
Well, despite the shitstorm that the always great New York Times hockey blog has gotten itself into this week by mentioning politics, I'm gonna stick to it, at least until Mats Sundin shits or gets off the pot. Whatever your politics are, I think I can safely say that hockey mom Sarah Palin is not fit to lead on the issue of naming children. I mean, Jesus.
Her kids have the Alaska themed names, Track, Piper, Bristol, Willow, and newborn Trig.
Trig?
I guess I owe Hakan Loob's parents an apology.
Seriously, hurricanes are named better.
Now that 17 year old Bristol Palin is knocked up, we need to step in. Seeing as Bristol's hubby to be Levi is a hockey player for the Wasilla Warriors who plays hurt and scores goals, I think we need to offer some hockey themed names for this kid, if just to save it from Grandma stepping in and naming it something like Wigwam, or Brushfire.
Here's some humble suggestions:
-Saucer Pass Palin
-Five Hole Palin
-Jarome Arthur-Leigh Adekunle Tig Junior Elvis Iginla Palin
-Oglethorpe Palin
-Warrior Palin
(vote for your favorite or add your own in the comments!)
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Father of the Bride
Well, we've had some fun with the news that the presumptive Republican Vice Presidential nominee is a hockey mom, and former sports reporter, and I gotta tell you, this story just keeps getting better and better. The McCain campaign has released a statement that Governor Sarah Palin's 17 year old daughter Bristol is pregnant, and will be not only having the baby, but marrying the father. And here he is:
Courtesy of the New York Post, meet the soon to be happily married 17 year old Levi Johnston, who scored 24 goals in 24 games with the Wasilla High School Warriors despite suffering a cracked bone in his shin during that season.
Enjoy the quotes from his MySpace page (which has now been removed:)
"I'm a f - - -in' redneck" who likes to snowboard and ride dirt bikes.
"But I live to play hockey. I like to go camping and hang out with the boys, do some fishing, shoot some s- - - and just f - - -in' chillin' I guess."
"Ya f - - - with me I'll kick [your] ass," he added.
He also claims to be "in a relationship," but states, "I don't want kids."
Oops.
Still, seeing as Levi has been pretty clear about his intention to kick the asses of people who fuck with him, let me be clear here-
I'm OK with you, dude. You seem like a little bit of a redneck, but I'm only getting that impression because you, well- called yourself a redneck. It doesn't really take a Jeff Foxworthy to make that leap. But, still, since it's a self imposed title, I'm gonna go ahead and assume that you don't think that's a bad thing. Also, you're 17, and not only scored a goal per game, but also scored with, you know, Bristol, which is no small achievement. She's a fox, no doubt, and while I've never personally had sex with the teenage daughter of an evangelical Christian, I bet it's super fucking hot. I mean, I've seen Footloose, and there's some serious forbidden fruit action going on there.
So on those fronts, good on ya, dude. The no rubber thing is a bummer, but hey, man- you don't need me to tell you that.
Also, and this has nothing to do with you, but I'm really enjoying watching these stuffed shirt right wing pricks choking on their words as they attempt to explain that McCain knew all about how Bristol was pregnant and was OK with it. I'm sure that McCain really wanted to open his convention with a hurricane in New Orleans and a story about an unwanted teenage pregnancy. I mean, family planning arguments aside, nothing puts a bump in the whole "we're making the ticket younger" argument than discovering your injection of youth is about to be a grandmother. I'm guessing that John McCain was just about as pleased to hear about this pregnancy as you were.
Barack Obama has taken the high road with all this, and reminded voters that he was born to an 18 year old mother, but it's not the official Democratic reaction to this that matters. It's the hand wringing for the the Republican family values crowd, and I'm loving watching it unfold. I'm terribly sorry that you're caught in the middle of it, seeing as you had no way of knowing that your girlfriend's mom was going to be potentially a heartbeat away from the Presidency of the United States. I mean, I don't think anybody did.
For Christ's sake- while she was mayor of Wasilla, wasn't this where she worked?
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
"Hockey Mom" Sarah Palin is McCain's choice for VP.
Well, how about them apples?
Just as we know now that Hillary Clinton would be up at 3:00 in the morning if the red phone rang in the White House, now we can safely know where Alaska Governor and recent Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin will be too- loading the boys into the van so they can make their 5:00 AM icetime for hockey practice.
Can she make policy? I'm not sure, but I bet she makes a mean cup of cocoa.
Way to appeal to the general population of America John McCain, pander to hockey moms, a group that generally live in New England, Buffalo and Minneapolis. I'm sure that New York, Massachusetts, and Minnesota are gonna turn red this time around. Also, she's married to an executive from BP. My brother works there, he likes it fine, and I have no problem with the company, but I gotta tell you, McCain's promise to break the nation's addiction to foreign oil doesn't really take flight when his VP choice is married to an executive from- um, a foreign oil company.
On the bright side, no matter who wins this election, there will be either a black man or a woman in the White House, which is definite progress- or as I call it "Better Luck Next Time Jews!"
But seriously- good pick Johnny.
Nominate a hockey fan. That works great.
Just ask John Kerry.
Just as we know now that Hillary Clinton would be up at 3:00 in the morning if the red phone rang in the White House, now we can safely know where Alaska Governor and recent Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin will be too- loading the boys into the van so they can make their 5:00 AM icetime for hockey practice.
Can she make policy? I'm not sure, but I bet she makes a mean cup of cocoa.
Way to appeal to the general population of America John McCain, pander to hockey moms, a group that generally live in New England, Buffalo and Minneapolis. I'm sure that New York, Massachusetts, and Minnesota are gonna turn red this time around. Also, she's married to an executive from BP. My brother works there, he likes it fine, and I have no problem with the company, but I gotta tell you, McCain's promise to break the nation's addiction to foreign oil doesn't really take flight when his VP choice is married to an executive from- um, a foreign oil company.
On the bright side, no matter who wins this election, there will be either a black man or a woman in the White House, which is definite progress- or as I call it "Better Luck Next Time Jews!"
But seriously- good pick Johnny.
Nominate a hockey fan. That works great.
Just ask John Kerry.
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