Francois Beauchemin has a lacerated spleen

When reached for comment, Phil Kessel said: "Pussy."

I had a joke forwarded to me-

If you write a hockey blog, you get stuff sent to you from time to time.

So I got this joke today. It's kind of an old one, pretty gross, not that funny, and they got the punchline wrong.

Still, it's nice to be thought of.

Here's the joke:

>Q: What's the difference between Wayne Gretzky and Courtney Love?
>
>A: Wayne takes a shower after three periods.

Can you see the error in the punchline? Here's how it's supposed to go:

>Q: What's the difference between Wayne Gretzky and Courtney Love?
>
>A:Courtney Love has coached an NHL franchise to 13 fewer wins this season.

But that wasn't all I got sent over the past week. The fine folks behind the movie "In the Crease" were good enough to send me a screener of their film. I'll watch it over the next few days and let you know what I think- but the trailer looks really good- Check it out:

AHF's "Buy me a Beer Challenge!"

A total failure.

I was at the Devils/Sabres game last night, and the only person who chose to participate in the buying me a beer challenge is the one writing this.

To be fair, though- we were pretty far up in the cheap seats, and attendance was, shall we say, light. I'll wait to see how Ben's pictures came out, but the entire lower bowl was terribly, embarrassingly empty.

UPDATE: Check it out:

They were celebrating the 25th anniversary of the Devils organization, and apparently felt that the best way to do so was to replicate the turnout from 1987.

Still, the Devils played a heck of a last 60 seconds, it's just a shame the crowd had to sit through the first 59. Buffalo didn't look great, but I'll tell you, when that Briere kid starts skating with the puck, things happen. Ultimately, two systems collided for 3 periods, and unsurprisingly, the Sabres were just a little bit better at taking advantage of their odd-man rushes.

Still, a bad night of NHL hockey still beats a good night of quite a few other activities, and I'm not quite ready to accept that the "Buy me a Beer Challenge" is an unworkable concept. After all, I still enjoy hockey, hockey fans still enjoy this blog, and I still enjoy beer.

Goddamnit, there's got to be a way we can make this work.

I'll be at the Bruins/Habs game on December 23rd.

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

The American Hockey Fan "Buy Me a Beer Challenge!"

OK- here's how it works, people.

Myself, Ben from Unleashed , and Jack from Kukoda.com are attending the Devils/Sabres game this Tuesday December 12th at the Meadowlands. Ben is a Devils fan, Jack is a Sabres fan, and I'm a fan of great hockey and frosty beer.

Seeing as the Devils have just won five straight, ( including a 5-1 manhandling of the Boston Bruins this weekend ,) and the Sabres are one of the top three teams in the NHL this year, it looks like I'll be guaranteed at least one of those things.

It's up to you, dear reader, to provide the other.

You heard me.

If you're a fan of what I do on this blog, well, it's the holiday season, and this is your chance to give back. Remember, I write this blog for free, and present it to you commercial free, intentionally forgoing the literally tens of dollars a year I could be pulling in from Google Ads. Therefore, if you enjoy this blog, and are either attending the Devils-Sabres game or know someone who will be who is willing to act as your representative, read on:

The first fan of this blog (or their representative) to bring a cold draft beer to me, Ritch Duncan, at Section 206, row 11, seats 3-6, (I will be wearing a black Boston Bruins sweatshirt) at any time during the Devils Sabres game on December 12th, 2006 will win the following (optional) prizes:

1) At least one (1) picture with me (that will be published on this blog) .

2) At least one (1) paragraph (published on this blog) of effusive, genuine praise, saluting you (or your business or project) for your courage, good taste and strength of character.

3) The thanks of a grateful nation.

The second fan of this blog (or their representative) who brings a cold draft beer to me at Section 206, row 11, seats 3-6, will win the following prizes:

1) At least one (1) picture with me (that will be published on this blog) .

2) At least one (1) paragraph (published on this blog) of effusive, genuine praise, saluting you (or your business or project) for your courage, good taste and strength of character.

3) The thanks of a grateful nation.

The third fan of this blog (or their representative) who brings a cold draft beer to me at Section 206, row 11, seats 3-6, will win the following prizes:

1) At least one (1) picture with me (that will be published on this blog) .

2) At least one (1) paragraph (published on this blog) of effusive, genuine praise, saluting you (or your business or project) for your courage, good taste and strength of character.

3) The thanks of a grateful nation.

Lather, rinse and repeat, folks.

I'll be there all night.

NOTE: If you are not attending Tuesday's Devils game and do not know anyone who is, the American Hockey Fan "Buy me a Beer Challenge" will be repeated December 23rd at 7:00 PM at the TD Banknorth Garden in Boston. Seat location will be given out closer to gametime, provided that this potentially wonderful scam bear fruit.

And by fruit, I mean, of course, free beer.

Stop by!

It'll be fun to see you.

Hello, "Chris Pronger Rumors" people.

I've had a TON of hits, over the past few days, the way I always do when Edmonton plays Anaheim, but this time, it's moreso, seeing as Pronger is back in Edmonton tonight. In fact, the flurry of hits was so intense that I thought for second I'd missed the game.

Any predictions?

I don't have much to add, but for those people who liked the original post, or the follow up (from the last time this happened) here's a fun note from Ty Conklin's player info page, under assets:

Has plenty of confidence in the crease, and is a capable puck-handler. Works extremely hard at improving his game.

Well, I should hope so.

Well, while you're here folks, here are a few greatest hits:

Brind'Amour's Cup Smooch

Candle in the Wind: An Interpretive Dance

The sad lack of good books about hockey.

There might be better ones, bit I'm tired-

Oh, and if you want my predicton, I'd say 6-4 Anaheim, with a goal by Lupul and a goal and 2 assists from Pronger.

UPDATE: Thorton v Savard!

The Forechecker played my song!!


In a post earlier today (scroll down), I suggested that the excellent hockey stats site The Forechecker look a little deeper into Kevin Paul DuPont's assertion that Bruins fans shouldn't be living in the past, as Marc Savard is outperforming Joe Thornton this year.

Well, he did!.

How awesome is that?!

Of course, he proved DuPont right, which honestly, should come as a surprise to none of us.

Good times.

Maxim Magazine

OK- While my thoughts about Maxim Magazine are well documented, I think that their most recent outrage is worth discussing, especially in light of my problems with the people responsible for marketing the game of hockey in America. My views on this were articulated recently by a morose Flyers fan who plays on my beer league ice hockey team.

"They just don't get hockey," he said.

We had been rained out of our second game a few weeks ago, (We play in a killer outdoor rink at the North End of Central Park) and had decided to meet up at a midtown watering hole to, shall we say, increase team morale. Naturally, the conversation shifted to NHL hockey, and the fact that on a Monday night, how every TV in the bar was tuned to the football game; not one was on the Ranger game. I mean, sure, I get it that the NFL is big in this country, and Monday Night Football is an institution, but the fact is, if you are in a hometown bar, the hometown team should be on the TV. At least one of them. To a casual sports fan in this country, hockey doesn't exist, and in my mind, that's the fault of the marketing. My teammate took another sip and shook his head- "I mean, the things they value, the parts of the game that are great- they just don't get it."

To see a red hot example of this, take a gander at Maxim Magazine's recent slideshow Hockey's Toughest Bastards , which was emailed to me from Ben. I'm pretty sure he knew I'd flip out when I read it, and he loves to bait me.

While there are people on that list who are noble choices, their choice for number one was so asinine that I screamed aloud at my computer screen. I'll take a break and allow you to read the list. I guarantee you, you won't guess who number one is.

Spoilers after the break.




















#1 MARIO LEMIEUX

What?!!

The toughest bastard in hockey?!!

And how about this: "Tough Guy Cred: He beat cancer."

Wow.

So, what exactly do these dickheads think Saku Koivu beat, bird flu?

I mean, Jesus.

And while I understand that these lists are created to start controversy, that's just ignorance. I mean, if they would have picked Messier (who went #2) I guess I could have lived with it, but still, the stated "tough guy cred" is making the prediction of winning game 6 against the Devils? Great leadership, yes. Tough guy behavior, no. How about bringing up the fact that Messier shattered a guy's jaw with one punch? How about the time he cross checked Doug Gilmour in the face and changed the flow of a playoff series? That's the kind of controversy I expect. But to put Mario Lemieux on that list at all, not to mention at number one, shows that "they just don't get it."

Kevin Paul DuPont had some decent views in this week's Globe on how to improve the game as well.

By the way, I love DuPont, but that dude hates Joe Thornton. He was the columnist who called for Big Joe to give up the "C" after not talking to the media during his last big Bruin playoff collapse, and he makes the point this week about how Marc Savard is doing better than Big Joe so far this season, on a Points per game basis. I'd be interested in breaking down that comparison a little closer with some different stats- Hey Forechecker are you listening?
----------------------------------------------------------
UPDATE! Nov. 27 4:22 PM: HE WAS LISTENING!
------------------------------------------------------------

Oh, and just for fun, maybe some of the real hockey fans out there could leave a comment with their suggestion of a better number one on Maxim's little list. I can think of four right off the top of my head, none of which are mentioned. That list is to hockey knowledge what Maxim is to pornography.

Close, but far from getting the job done.

Well, the B's pulled it out last night-

- in a shootout.

While it wasn't the massacre I'd hoped it would be, it still was fun to imagine Gary Bettman telling Ted Leonsis what a great thing the shootout is for the game just as his Caps fell to 0-4 in that category. Although who knows? Maybe it wasn't such a bad night for Ted. There's a chance that his kids took some serious steps towards becoming self-actualized individuals all while staying loving within the family.

(See # 11 on Ted's 101 list)

If the B's can keep the ball rolling in Toronto tonight, there will be cause for optimism.

Oh, and I got another humor piece published, coinciding with the release of the new Bond movie. It ain't about hockey, but Jason Vorhees makes a cameo in a hockey mask, so that's close enough. You can read it here.

Happy Thursday People!

HERE WE GO BRUINS- HERE WE GO!

OK- based on how the Boston Bruins have performed this year, it's safe to say that my expectations for tonight's game against the Wasington Capitals are low.

However, today, on my run through the hockey blogs, I found myself over on the blog of Ted Leonsis , billionaire AOL executive and owner of the Washington Capitals. He's been linked over there on the sidebar as a prominent douchebag for quite a while.

Oh, and I know that he has a good relationship with hockey blogs, and has been one of the frontrunners of advancing expanded access of bloggers as journalists, but despite that, believe me when I tell you that this guy is a douche. Yes, he's opening doors for bloggers, but think about where he's coming from:

a) He works for an internet company, which means expanding the scope of the internet helps his business.

b)He owns the Washington Capitals, who have sucked so hard in recent years that if I owned them, I'd be reaching out to dudes who flyer windshields, for fuck's sake.

I mean, it's great that he's using blogs, but what are his other options?

The Washington Post?

But still, in case you're even a little bit on the fence about what a MAMMOTH douchebag this guy is, and the large cartoon version of his own head that adorns his blog (Ted's Take!) isn't enough for you, the creme de la creme of utter pomposity combined with sheer douchebaggery, has got to go to Ted's 101 list.

If you didn't click that link (and you should) this is a list of "Life Goals" that Ted has published on his blog, so all the little people can see all the great accomplishments of all things Ted. It's not hidden on the blog either, it's advertised prominently on the sidebar, with a flashy "check-box" graphic.

Let's get into this a little:

It starts off OK, with nice, normal things:

1 Fall in love and get married (check)
2 Have a healthy son (check)
3 Have a healthy daughter (check)

Great, right?

Well then it starts to get a little weird:

13 Net worth of ten million dollars, after taxes (check)
14 Net worth of one hundred million dollars, after taxes (check)
15 Net worth of one billion dollars, after taxes (Not checked yet?!)

Awww, C'mon, Ted, you can do it!

Let's all root for TED and his billion dollars AFTER taxes! Hooray for Ted, and his ability to achieve his goals!

And this goes on, and on and on.

23 Own a beach home that stays in family (check)
24 Own a jet (check)
25 Own a yacht (check)
26 Own a convertible Porsche or Mercedes Benz (check)
27 Own a mountain home that stays in the family (Not checked yet!? C'mon Ted!)
28 Own a great piece of art (check)
29 Own a great personal collection of watches (check)
30 Own a Ferrari (check)
31 Restore an antique auto (check)
32 Own a restaurant or club (check)
33 Support someone who makes a great breakthrough in science or art (Not checked)

How can this be? Ted is so refined and sophisticated! Surely this will be checked in a matter of time. Perhaps the cure for AIDS? Maybe a revolutionary breakthrough with stem cell research? I know- the common cold. Or could it be art? You can do it, Ted. We're all rooting for you. Of course, if you wanted to do something artistic, you might want to start with a hockey arena that doesn't look like a generic box, but Oh-wait- I forgot- sports owners don't finance arenas, taxpayers do.

My bad.

Either way, I digress.

Jesus, that guy sucks.

But as I was reading over Ted's blog, I stumbled across this little gem of information:

On Wednesday, Gary Bettman, the NHL Commissioner, will be coming to DC, where he and I will do some press work together and then attend the Caps vs Bruins game. It would be nice if our fans came out and showed their support for the Capitals in front of the Commissioner. :-)

you like the way he phrased that?

"Attend" the game- let no one ever accuse Bettman of actually WATCHING a hockey game. But still- Ted Leonsis and Gary Bettman- working together on "press."

I can see it now...


Gary:

We need to publicize the league- any ideas?


Ted:

How about a large series of Easter Island statues of my head?

Gary
Hmmm- can we make it LESS about hockey? I mean you're a hockey team owner, and people might actually make that connection and perceive it as being helpful to the game. Also, we're phasing out fighting entirely, and I don't like the "cementhead" thing. Maybe we can get OLN to change their name again?

Ted

Great idea! How about T.E.D.?

Gary

I like it!


And- Scene.

Either way, if I've ever wanted the Bruins to succeed, and I have, I want them to succeed tremendously tonight, if only to embarrass the crap out of Ted in front of Bettman.

C'mon, B's- I know there ain't a lot to play for when you're in the basement like this, but how about a 6-2 rout with a good old fashioned donnybrook at the end?

How about pulling one out for all of us who don't brag about owning "a great personal collection of watches?"

I mean, is there anything LESS hockey that that?

Do it up, boys.

Do it up.

Rumsfeld steps down-

- so why can't we do anything about Gary Bettman?

Anyway, a game to watch for tonight is Toronto/Boston, as player of the month Andrew Raycroft takes on his old team, the Boston Bruins, a team he was traded from because management was afraid he might tell the new guys in the locker room that Joe Thornton was a pretty good player.

Hannu Toivennen was sent to the minors yesterday too, so it'll be Thomas in net for the B's, a guy who despite never being the "goalie of the future," is a competitor who will play with some pride, seeing as it was he who rose to the challenge last year for the B's, and played well when Raycroft was injured.

It would be a pretty good game to watch, if I could watch it.

I initially gave the edge to the Leafs, as Peca is a bit of a Bruin killer, but upon further reflection, Glen Murray has been playing pretty well these days, and I bet he remembers where some soft spots on Raycroft are.

Prediction: 3-2 Bruins, with 5 minutes left in the 3rd period.

With these Bruins, anything after that is a coin flip, but I'm willing to go out on a limb and say that they will at least play well enough to have a lead to blow at the end.

You know me, I accentuate the positives.

1,000 words.

I got nothing today, people.

Well, except this, which should be the Third Jersey for the Blues::





You think John Davidson has a copy of Blizzard of Ozz?

I doubt it.

Oh, and by the way, I found that picture here .

The Reason I'm Not Watching Game 6 of the 1974 Stanley Cup Final between the Bruins and Flyers

Well, because I'm at work, and I actually have a lot to do today.

What's your excuse?


NHL games, both old and new, are now available on Google video.

For free.

Get your ass over there!

Brendan Shanahan-

Jesus, is this guy a hockey player.

I'm up late again, watching the Sharks and the Rangers, and this guy, down a goal with less than a minute left, blocks a shot with his chest and it hurts him. He stays in, stays in position, then manages to dive in the zone and slap a bank shot off the boards and into the empty net, making him the NHL's leading goalscorer and tying him with Bobby Hull on the all time goal scoring list.

Oh, and he also assisted on Cullen's goal.

And how about this Hollweg kid?

Putting the John Kerry Incident in perspective:

OK- I don't really like to talk politics on this blog, but watch this- I can tie it into hockey.

At this point, anybody with a television knows about the "botched joke" incident that has kept John Kerry in the headlines for the past two days. I won't run you all the way around the merry-go-round again, but to briefly recap, there's been a lot of talk about whether Kerry:

a) even said what he said
b) meant to say what he said
c) should apologize for being misinterpreted
d) Should have not have called Rush Limbaugh "doughy"
and e) f), g), and h), whatever the fuck they all are.

Either way, with the political spin machines angled the way they are, it was a clear cut victory for Republicans over the past few days. I mean, think about it- with a week to go before a tremendously important election, and with nobody that can think of a single goddamn thing that Republicans don't suck at, they seemed to be up against a wall. All of a sudden, BOOM- they are reminded of one thing they're actually great at- making John Kerry look like an asshole.

Not like that's really difficult, and I wouldn't run on it, but the Republicans don't have a lot of cards to play, and on this hand, they ran the table with a pair of twos.

But lets bring it back to hockey.

John Kerry, if you will remember, is a hockey player. To really understand what went down here, it's time to go back to the classics, and yes, I'm talking about Slap Shot.

In this situation, George Bush and the Republican party are Reggie Dunlop and the Charlestown Chiefs, and John Kerry, sadly, is Hanrahan. Player-coach Reg Dunlop is an affable guy, bit of a black sheep, who everyone agrees would be fun to have a beer with. But when the mill closes, and the fans start losing their jobs, Dunlop decides it's time to play dirty. Knowing that Hanrahan had flown off the handle after hearing that his wife was having sex with women, Dunlop taunts him with it again during a game, and sure enough, it works. Hanrahan goes nuts, attacks Dunlop, and the Chiefs score. As Ned Braden said, "It was a bullshit goal- a bullshit win."

Afterwards, in the locker room, Morris, one of the finest characters in American cinema by the way, asks Dunlop what he said to him, and Dunlop told him, saying "he's a stupid ape, I knew it would piss the shit out of him!"

If there is one thing guaranteed to piss the shit out of John Kerry, and make him act like a stupid ape, it's to accuse him of not supporting the troops, something he never responded to well during the campaign. I'm sure it still burns his ass that Bush and Cheney, two guys who avoided combat, used the swiftboat issue to paint a decorated combat veteran as anti-military, and have it actually work. I guess what I'm saying is, if you're confused how Tony Snow has the balls to stand up and say that "he isn't sure that Kerry wasn't insulting the intelligence of the troops" it makes a lot more sense if you just imagine him skating up behind the right goalpost, stopping behind Kerry's ear and and yelling "Suzanne sucks pussy!"

Cause that's what's going on there.

Oh, and apologies to you Canadians who regularly visit this site. I know it might be lame for you to sit through this tirade on American politics, but I don't want to hear any shit about it until your politicians stop fucking Tie Domi.

I mean, Jesus.

Watching the Rangers/Kings-

The game is on right now, and even though I was eagerly looking forward to the Ranger's west coast swing, daylight savings time is kinda kicking my ass-

Dang- Shanahan just blocked a shot, came in on a partial breakaway and just barely got denied.

What a great pickup for the Rangers.

I gotta say that I like the way the Kings are playing, when you shoot the puck from anywhere, a lot, good things happen. Still, the Rangers have been playing really sloppy in their defensive zone, and my guess is, daylight savings time isn't doing them any favors either, especially after playing a game in Phoenix two days ago. Remember, for them, that game is starting at 11:30.

It's nice to see Kopitar again, the kid seems to have some skills, and this game also marks the first time I've really gotten a good look at Sean Avery. I'm not sure what all the hubbub is about, on the ice he seems like a real hard nosed, tough, skilled hockey player. I guess he shoots his mouth off, and is obnoxious, but shit- he looked pretty good out there to me.

I'm looking forward to some good hockey this week as Lord knows, I love a late game and the Rangers have both the Ducks and the Sharks coming up. From what I read, those seem to be the two teams that the rest of the league is using as a barometer, so it should be fun.

Boom- Shanahan just scored, maybe tied for the league lead in goalscoring now?

I think so.

Yep.

Damn.

They may still have life.

Oh, and before I go, a big shoutout to my street hockey team, the Mighty Squirrels of the Blacktop Street Hockey League , who finished up our season on Sunday with a big 1-0 win. We were a far shot from a winning record, but that never affected the temperature of the beer at the bar afterwards, and everybody on the team played hard, with a good attitude. Hockey is supposed to be fun, and by that barometer, we were undefeated. But it still was fun to go out with a win.

BANG!
And there's Avery answering for LA!

Can I call it, or what?

4-1 Kings, and I'm guessing Jagr's done skating for the night.

We'll see.

Either way, I think I'm heading to bed.

Big ups to the Squirrels.



Go Nuts!

Sunday, sunday sunday.

Well, it's Sunday today, and if you're a serious hockey fan in America you gotta love Sunday, as it's pretty much the only day of the week that you can count on a small dose of extended, thoughtful hockey coverage in your local newspapers.

Hockey journalism in conventional newspapers is slipping fast, with many papers relying on AP feeds and many refusing to even send reporters to road games. The logical response to this by levelheaded hockey folks all over the country is to embrace hockey bloggers, which, I admit, makes a good deal of sense. Guys like Eric over at Off Wing and Paul over at Kukla's Korner have picked up that banner and run with it nobly, with both the excellent blogs they maintain and the cherry gigs they've picked up over at NBC Sports and NHL.com respectively. And while that's great news for both those guys personally and for fans of the game everywhere, at the same time, I'm a bit of a conservative, and I weep for the loss of newsprint.

So on the one hand, while I feel uniquely blessed that live in a world where I can pop over to the Battle of California and watch Derek Boogard cleaning Todd Fedoruk's fucking clock, I'm also painfully aware that I can't really do so while taking a shit.

So it's Sunday today, and I give thanks for both Larry Brooks and Kevin Paul DuPont.

in fact. I'm gonna print both of those out right now, and recuse myself for, oh- say, 15 to 20 minutes.

It's Sunday- and a man cannot be rushed.

Don't worry, I'll light a match.

1.2 seconds?

Really?

Sigh.

Played hockey last night.

You heard me.

Ice Hockey.

Boards, goalies, sticks and pucks all on a killer outside rink in the northern most part of Central Park. I haven't played ice hockey for a couple of years, it's tough to get the ice time and the legalities sorted out here in New York City, but god damn is it worth it when you do.

I'll tell you, if there is a better sensation than hitting the ice, taking a few hard strides for the first skate of the season and hearing and feeling that nice thick, heavy smack of a fast hockey puck hitting your tape with a fast moving pass, I don't know what it is.

Wait.

Lemme rephrase that.

I'll tell you, if there are two better sensations than hitting the ice, taking a few hard strides for the first skate of the season and hearing and feeling that nice thick, heavy smack of a fast hockey puck hitting your tape with a fast moving pass, I don't know what the second one is.

I can think of one, but I'll thank you to remember, I'm a gentleman.

So, I'll probably get a ton of new readers today, as Pronger played the Ducks last night, and everybody will be googling him and his wife again. Those posts, are here and here if you're concerned, but if you're interested in the present, any predictions for the Atlanta/Buffalo game on Saturday?

That should be a barn burner.

The Buffalo Sabres-

-are for real.

I mean, no joke here, and I know it's early, but I saw the game on Versus tonight, and they were superior to the Montreal Canadiens in every way possible.

But before I get too sloppy about the Sabres, (and I'll let my buddy Jack and the guys from Bflo blog do the gloating for now) can we take a moment and address this "Versus" shit?

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad they are there, it was nice to hear former Bruin Andy Brickley doing a Yeoman's job from the broadcast booth, and I was thrilled to get a look at the hottest team in hockey right now.

But I swear to God, who in the name of Christ thought that renaming your network "Versus" was a good idea?

I know, I've railed against this before , but what I forgot in that last post was the fact that if you are looking for a game on "Versus," if you do the natural thing and google some variation of "vs. hockey schedule" look at what you get.

That's right, every single internet mention of every game mentioned on the internet that is listed with the word "vs."

Which is everything.

All hockey games.

Ever.

Including field hockey, for Christ's sake.

This season, last season, everything.

I mean, I love this game more than any other, so much so that I'm even reluctantly willing to enjoy the success of a Buffalo sports team , and I know that others feel the same way I do.

So why is it, that at every turn, this league makes marketing decisions that literally make it difficult for people who already want to watch to do so? I mean, if it's difficult for people who already want to watch, what are your chances for new viewers?

Here's a radical idea NHL- a nightly wrapup show.

Every night when there are more then 2 games, rent a studio, get a few talking heads and syndicate it on Fox Sports.
I'm getting email after email from people out there who want to put this blog on people's iPods, and I'm drunk for half the posts I put up. So here's a radical idea, put some hockey on television. And make it easy to find on Google.

I mean Jesus, Christ, "Versus?"

They might as well have named it the "And" network.

Damn- I'm amazed that this shit still riles me up.

Did you know that on Halloween, Conan is doing an all skeleton show?

How sweet is that?

Sweeter than anything the NHL has done to promote itself in 30 years, I can tell you that much.

Well, the bastards got me again.

Yes, of course, I'm talking about the Boston Bruins, the team of my youth, the team that taught me to love the game, and the team who has never won a Stanley Cup in my entire fucking lifetime. Anyway, yeah- the same Bruins who won their home opener last night against the Calgary Flames and who, according to my brother, reportedly looked pretty good.

I'll tell you though- if they woulda got beat, it would have been a tall order to keep me interested.

I didn't watch the game of course, as if you've been reading lately, I can't get the goddamn hockey package this season. I'd keep bitching about it, but the humor of the situation has matured into a deep, lasting sadness. Regardless, last night was a must win for the B's, and as they'd already blown leads this year, I watched the score update live during the 3rd period on the Yahoo ticker with baited breath.

I don't know if you've ever tried to monitor a hockey score like that, but it's updated really sporadically. Yahoo broadcasts some games live, but never the games I want to see of course. What do you guys think about someone from the Boston area taping the whole game plus pregame and postgame, and putting it up on YouTube for a late broadcast? I think that would be fucking totally sweet, and I might have an inkling of guilt over it if the NHL and the Center Ice Package weren't as well known for never missing a opportunity to miss an opportunity. Seriously, as much fun as the porno music is, if you're a hometown fan, you not only want to see the pre and post game, but if you have an inkling of a life, it's nice to catch the game on a late night replay.

I'm not saying I DO have an inkling of a life, but- you know?

Still, it's hard to say- if the YouTube was choppy it could make the game hard to follow. I'd appreciate any ideas on this problem.

Anyway, the B's had a one goal lead, and as the time agonizingly slid away on the ticker, I was relieved to see them hold out for the win; two goals from Glen Murray was nice to see as well.

On the other hand, Kevin Paul DuPont over at the Globe had my mouth watering a bit with his suggestion of Murray and a high draft pick going to the Sharks for Nabakov. They know that Murray and Joe work well together, and they have two goalies hanging around.

Plus, in one of the lamer scheduling decisions this season, they don't play each other this year, or at least not in Boston, which as stupid a decision as that is by the league, at least clears the decks for players coming back to hurt them.

Oh, and having Joe Thornton not come back to Boston this year is a stupid, stupid move by a league almost legendary for it's stupid moves. Lemme walk you through it:

- Joe Thornton got traded by the B's last year
- gets scapegoated for the losing season
- goes to San Jose and catches fire
- came back to Boston once last year, but got pitched out in the first minute for boarding Hal Gill
- wins the MVP in San Jose

Now they don't have him back in Boston the next season?

At all?

And why? So there can be more intra-conference games, to quote "build rivalries."

Because Joe Thornton and the Bruins doesn't qualify as a rivalry at all.

I'm sure that extra game against Toronto is totally going to be worth it.

But, for a real rivalry, I'll pull the Youtube that Doogie stuck in my comments section this week and really deserves to be out here in a post for all to see:

As he said in the comment, if you want to skip the interviews and get right to the uninterrupted hatred, skip ahead to the four minute mark, but I recommend the entire thing.

Enjoy: