Who's got three grand?

If the answer is "you,"well- you could be the lucky hockey fan who gets to go see the New York Rangers kick off their season in Prague, or as John McCain calls it, Czechoslovakia.

Here's a riddle for John McCain:

What's the difference between the New York Rangers and Czechoslovakia?

Czechoslovakia ceased to exist in 1993 whereas the Rangers waited until 1995.

Of course, having the Rangers play in Prague is 100 percent consistent with almost all of the recent signings of the Rangers, namely "a great idea if it happened three years ago."

And I know, many hockey pundits over the past several years have been praising the Rangers and their post-lockout return to being a playoff team, but with the "don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out" departure of Ranger captain and Czech star Jaromir Jagr, and the signings of the past-his-prime Marcus Naslund and soon-to-be past-his-prime Wade Redden, it looks like we are seeing a return to the disastrous decisions that not only led the Rangers into years of soaring payrolls and a complete lack of team chemistry, but the utter abandonment of the only thing that actually worked for the Rangers over the past decade, the creation of a team identity built around Jagr and young Czech players.

Check out this post-lockout 2005 New York Times article about the first place Rangers and team identity. There might be a login required, so here's the pertinent passage:

New York reminds Jagr of European cities, and his preponderance of Czech teammates makes him feel almost at home.

His roommate on the Upper West Side is the Czech rookie Petr Prucha. His car pool to practice includes the Czech veterans Martin Rucinsky and Martin Straka. Jagr usually sits in the back, sipping a cup of coffee and reading the newspaper. The group chats exclusively in Czech.

The car pool has grown this season. The Rangers now have six Czech players on their roster and three players who used to be with Jagr in Pittsburgh. "It's all by design," Rangers Coach Tom Renney said. "You can tell they enjoy each other's company."

Not only are the Rangers in first place in the Atlantic Division, but Jagr also leads the N.H.L. with 12 goals and Straka has complemented him with 13 assists. During games, Jagr and Straka continually gesture to each other, flashing the same sort of hand signals they used to give with the Penguins.

"We had this situation in Pittsburgh with a lot of Czech guys around him," said Michal Rozsival, a Rangers defenseman from the Czech Republic who played with Jagr in Pittsburgh. "He was always happy, always upbeat. He looks the same right now."

The only remaining Czech players on the Rangers are Rozsival, who remains a solid defenseman, Petr Prucha, who despite a promising rookie season has been invisible of late, and Marek Malik, a hulking oaf who gets booed by his home crowd practically every time he hits the ice, and whose unrestricted free agent status leaves him still available to any NHL General Manager willing to part with a used puck bag.

So good luck on the Prague trip, Rangers. I'm sure the locals will be thrilled to come out and cheer for Dan Fritsche.

So it seems that the Rangers have managed completely recover from one of the two brilliant hockey decisions they have made in the past decade- establishing a team identity. (The other one was signing Henrik Lundquist.) Now, after booting their captain, letting character guy and fan favorite Sean Avery walk out the door, leaving Brendan Shanahan unsigned and likely retiring, the Rangers have effectively created another power vaccum for who is going to lead their team. Will it be Drury? Gomez? Naslund? Unless a major surprise happens and this team miraculously becomes greater than the sum of it's mismatched parts, the Rangers are threatening to reclaim their throne as the Toronto Maple Leafs of the United States hockey market, filled with aging players with no chemistry and no chance at the cup, with the one difference being that they'll never have to deal with all that annoying "fan interest" and "demand for tickets" that Toronto struggles with. All things considered, it's a miracle the Rangers didn't end up with Mats Sundin.

As a dedicated Bruins fan, no one wanted to see the Rangers and Bruins face off in the Winter Classic in the last game ever played in Yankee Stadium more than me. But as a general hockey fan who wants to see the game grow, I certainly don't want a team with no identity on the stage that was established last year as such a triumphant showcase for the league.

I have always hated Jaromir Jagr. I hated him for beating my team when he played great, and I hated his lack of passion for the game when he didn't. But hockey has always needed bad guys, and as I see Jaromir Jagr step off the NHL stage, I realize I never hated the man, I just loved to hate the player. And now, I'm coming around to the belief that the management of the New York Rangers failed him, perhaps starting with the signings of Chris Drury and Scott Gomez, as I wrote about last year.

The cracks in the team chemistry that were caused by that signing, have expanded to shatter the Jaromir Jagr era of the New York Rangers, and any rebuilding that they began.

Now the Rangers and their fans must live with the results.

Let the Gretzky Fleury Lindros Bure Holik Jagr Naslund era begin.

Best. Hockey. Headline. Ever.

Click here and enjoy.

UPDATE: They changed it. The bastards. It used to read: "Leafs give Finger big raise."

Sigh.

Hey Sportsnet! Take a lesson from the New York Post. They don't undo their greatest headlines.

This week in hockey mask news:

Well, the fine folks over at Platinum Dunes, the producers of the highly anticipated remake of Friday the 13th, have officially released photos of the most famous hockey equipment since the era of Gerry Cheevers: the hockey mask of famed slasher Jason Voorhees. The new movie comes out Friday the 13th of February in 2009, and co-stars Mike Modano's wife.

Is it safe to say that hockey is back?

Here's a Friday the 13th themed hockey joke for ya:

Q: What does Hall of Fame hockey coach Toe Blake call a dude who can get up after getting stabbed, shot, electrocuted, run through, and drowned, yet still feels the need to wear a protective hockey mask?

A: A Pussy.

For more on Toe Blake, Jacques Plante, and Clint Benedict click here.
For an awesome punk rock song about Gerry Cheevers, click here.

Fear not, hockey fans:

I have just set up my DVR to record every episode of SoapNet's new hockey series "MVP" which premiered last night. From what we can tell so far, it's less about hockey than it is about a bunch of hot trashy women who are involved with hockey players.

I'm already on board.

That being said, I have a few ideas for episodes-

How about one when the star player takes his team on an underdog run to the the championship game, loses, then his wife demands he be traded in the off season as rumors swirl that he impregnated a local TV reporter!

Or one when the former backup goalie is not only inexplicably promoted to general manager of the team, but unexplained pictures surface of him with a bunch of hot blondes making out with each other!

Or one where the American hockey star's hot wife steals headlines when she nabs a part in the remake of the classic slasher film Friday the 13th!

Actually- forget it. That all sounds WAY too far fetched.

Even for a soap opera.

We'll keep you updated.

For my hockey-related, non hockey entertainment, I'm sticking to reality programming:



(Thanks to Danny for the find)

New York Rangers vs. The NHL?

Strange news out of New York today, as a report has surfaced that the NHL could actually wrest the New York Rangers from the grasp of the MSG (Madison Square Garden) group. MSG is owned and operated by the Dolan family, a group of men whose names alone elicit the same raw, visceral hatred among Ranger fans as the name "Voldemort" does for the student body of Hogwarts.

When I forwarded the article to my Ranger fan buddy Eric, he replied dryly that he hoped that the Dolans and Bettman might "off themselves like in the end of Reservoir Dogs."

Oh, and if I could extend the Reservoir Dogs analogy, the cop who gets tied to a chair, doused in gasoline, has his ear sliced off, and eventually shot to death would be your average New York Knicks fan after this season . (The Dolan's also run the Knicks.)

Apparently, the Dolans have sued the NHL for maintaining a league wide consistency over all NHL team websites, claiming that it violates anti-trust laws and the NHL has responded by threatening disciplinary action for challenging the league constitution.

The NHL team sites are all functional and good looking, if a bit boring, but any team run site is going to have the interests of the team at heart and not print any negative information that might hurt ticket sales. All that seemed fine with me- so what do the Dolans want to do differently?

There isn't anything in the story about WHY the Dolans want to challenge the NHL's website consistency rules, but upon a quick perusal of both the New York Rangers site, and as a sample group, the Boston Bruins or New Jersey Devils sites, the Rangers site has a noticeable difference.

Up on the top of the Rangers site, under the NHL network links and above the consistent looking team website content there are the following links:

* MSG.com
* |Madison Square Garden
* |Radio City Music Hall
* |WaMu Theater at MSG
* |Beacon Theatre
* |The Chicago Theatre
* |MSG Insider
* |NY Knicks
* |NY Liberty


All of these are Dolan holdings, and no such similar link list appears for either the Devils or Bruins. My guess is, the NHL would much rather have the Ranger fans who come to the Rangers team page clicking on links that are NHL properties, as opposed to links that are not. I'm guessing the league told the Dolans they couldn't promote their personal holdings on an NHL website, seeing as the presence of a link to the New York Liberty might distract a Ranger fan from clicking on one of the NHL approved sites, like, you know, Poni23.com, the official website of Alexei Ponikarovsky (Now featuring an actual sculpture of Ponikarovsky's hand, for only $199.99 Canadian!)

I can't imagine that the NHL will actually remove the Rangers from the Dolan Empire, but for the benefit of my Ranger fan pals, here's hoping.

Still, though- if and when this debate fades away, it will be interesting to see if that link list atop NY Rangers dot com fades with it.

I'm betting it will.

VERY much hockey news today!

So Detroit won the Cup, Barack Obama won the Democratic nomination, and that prick Tiger Woods won another U.S. Open.

Bo-ring.

If you're like me, you're craving something surprising or unpredictable to help pass the long summer months until the puck drops in October. Well my fellow surprise-wanters, look no further.

SOAPnet is launching a new series about hockey.

Yes, SOAPnet. You know SOAPnet. They show soap operas?

So yeah, that's a little surprising. If you want to be further surprised, see if you can guess what established demographic segment of the hockey fanbase they're targeting:

Yes, I spent the morning googling "rob lowe
shirtless." What are you getting at?

Did I mention that at this point in the post, my use of the term "surprise" becomes sarcastic? No? Well, let me further illustrate.

Another surprise is that the show appears to lack authenticity. For one thing, the players' names: Gabe McCall. Trevor Lemonde. Damon Trebuchet. I mean, what the hell? Not a "chuk" in the bunch. And I'm pretty sure at least one of those is a font.

But perhaps most surprising of all, SOAPnet has managed to produce a 2:17 promo for a show about hockey that (spoiler alert!) features NO FUCKING HOCKEY. If you care to sit through the pre-roll commercial for Splenda (a staple in the pantry/breakfast nook of any true hockey fan), you'll see what I mean:

Can you believe that? (Yeah, like you watched the whole thing). In their defense, though, "no hockey whatsoever" is only 3 seconds less than appears in the average NHL promo.

SIDE NOTE/AHF CONTEST BONANZA ANNOUNCEMENT: Five bucks to the first reader who can find a non-ironic embed of the above promo. Post a link in the comments, if you have hours to waste looking for something that doesn't exist. This is not a joke...I will really send you $5.

So I don't know about you, but I'm pretty much set for the summer...assuming I can tear myself away from the Death Metal dog.

Not much hockey news today

What, can you think of anything better for today?

In case you haven't seen it.

The best 10 minutes of Bruins hockey in almost 20 years:

Rest in Peace, Tim Russert

It's hard to believe, but it's true.

NBC News Washington Bureau Chief, host of "Meet the Press" and longtime Buffalo Sabres fan Tim Russert has died today of a heart attack.

I have written about him fondly before, here and here.

Here's a recent clip of him at the end of Meet the Press rooting on the Caps in these playoffs, as his Sabres failed to qualify this year.



This is just tremendously sad.

NHL AWARDS: Big Winner, Big Loser

The Big Winner:

Who Else? Number 8, Alexander Ovechkin. Takes home a sideboard worth of hardware, and gives the fans of the Washington Capitals even more reason to salivate over the beginning of next season.

The Big Loser:

Whoever the poor bastard was who got stuck sitting behind Zdeno Chara for the whole evening.

Hey- how about those dicks on TSN?

Dominick Hasek announced his retirement this week, and as a longtime fan of the game, I'll say that he should be a first ballot hall of famer, and deserves nothing but praise for the seasons of excellent memories and plays he brought to the NHL.

After saying that, I'd also like to take a shot at Canada's TSN who celebrated his retirement with the following video:



What a pompous ass. OK- first of all, I know that Dominick Hasek can be kind of a jerk, and has suffered from shall we say "motivation problems" his entire career. But even with that, we're talking about unarguably one of top ten goaltenders of all time, easily top 5 and arguably top three. Hey TSN- you think you can cut the guy some slack on the day he announces his retirement?

Who knows what goes on in Canada, but I don't think I've ever, even once, EVER "heard" anybody ever do a Dominick Hasek impression. I've "seen" people do a ton of them, when street hockey goalies roll around on their spines, kicking their legs up in the air and call it "doing a Hasek." And when they do that, they are honoring the man and his unorthodox playing style, not mocking his foreign accent.

Second, Hasek falling down while trying to fight Patrick Roy isn't a career highlight, it's a blooper reel. Including that clip while ignoring the stop he made on Todd Bertuzzi's penalty shot in the 2002 playoffs seems to me like they are directly saying "We don't like Dominick Hasek, and are going to use his retirement from the game he made so much more exciting as one final chance to embarrass and poke fun at him."

Finally, giving a goaltender of his caliber a tribute in which your number one highlight shows him giving up a goal (not to mention a heartbreaking, controversial Stanley Cup losing goal) is just low class.

Don't get me wrong- I've poked fun at the Dominator over the years, but today is not the day.

For a more reasonable, respectful and in-depth retrospective of Hasek's career, including the high points along with the lows, check out the NY Times Slap Shot blog.

From everyone at American Hockey Fan, Congrats to Dominick Hasek on a fantastic career.

You know, this has been bugging me-

-Can anybody give me a good reason why every year in recent memory Gary Bettman has been the guy on the ice awarding the Stanley Cup? And I know he is the commissioner, but still. Every year I see him do it, he takes what should be one of the best moments of the season, seeing the overjoyed captain raise the cup over his head in triumph, and if not actually spoils it, kind of taints it with not only his presence at all, but his goofy, stilted, stammering, ham-fisted speechifying.

I mean, everybody loves the Stanley Cup.

Everybody.

Why taint that experience by including a guy who everybody hates?

Does ANYBODY like Gary Bettman?

I mean, really?

Additionally, this year, it seemed like this fact was acknowledged by the league as he was never really even introduced properly. I need to go back to the DVR to hear the actual wording of his introduction, but I know they didn't end it with his name. If they said "Ladies and Gentleman: NHL commissioner Gary Bettman" it is a rock solid guarantee that he would be booed, even if it was a night earlier in Detroit, and the hometown team was delirious with joy.

So if they are already altering introductions to make sure that the commissioner isn't booed, why doesn't he step aside for the good of the game? Because seeing him do his little dog and pony show is embarrassing.

He does his little rehearsed speech, awkwardly praises both teams and then says "come get the Stanley Cup" which would be great, if he'd fucking let go of it. He's gotta stand there like a fat little toad, clutching onto his completely unearned slice of the spotlight, while the captain of the team, a genuine hockey hero, stands around like a doofus, waiting for daddy to give him his treat.

It's disgusting.

Here's an idea. How about every single year the cup is awarded by a previous Stanley Cup winner and member of the Hall of Fame that remains unannounced until the actual ceremony itself. The Oscars do it right. The person who gives out the best picture award is a heavy hitter. Paul Newman, Al Pacino, Katherine Hepburn, somebody that commands unquestionable respect in the industry.

In hockey, it should be a person who means a great deal to the franchise who won the cup. Would it not be a thrill for even the Pittsburgh fans, (who like all great fans, stayed and applauded the ceremony) to hear "Ladies and Gentleman- Presenting the Stanley Cup: Hall of Famer and three time cup champion...Steve Yzerman"

If they managed to keep it a surprise up until the moment, it would make for supreme drama, and you know that Stevie Y would LOVE to hand that cup to Nick Lidstrom. He could deliver the same canned speech that Bettman does, but delivered from such an icon of the game, it would be a moment that would be nothing short of priceless.

If the Penguins won the cup, Mario awards it to Sidney Crosby. Winning the Stanley Cup represents being a part of history, and a part of the Stanley Cup forever, as your name will be engraved upon it from this point forth. It should be awarded by someone who is a part of that, either as a player, a builder, a broadcaster or a cherished member of the hockey family.

It would feature the game of hockey symbolically welcoming the newest chapter of it's history. That honor should come from a beloved part of that history.

Not Gary Bettman.

How close they came....

So was I the only one who thought that the final seconds of last night's cup final resembled that Super Bowl game when the dude from the Tennessee Titans reached his arm out with the football and ALMOST broke the plane?

The New York Times hockey blog has a great post today with a photo taken with two seconds left, then one second left and then when time expired.

Good stuff.

I had wondered earlier this week if this Cup final qualified as a classic, and if that puck crossed the line there at the end, there would be no question. As it stands right now, I'm gonna say no. The only way this Stanley Cup final will go down in history is if the Penguins go on to win a cup or two in the next couple years, and this was the series that that taught a young dynasty how to win.

What a terrifying thought.

Ultimately, what I take out of this series is the only thing scarier than a Pittsburgh power play composed of six determined skaters is a Detroit penalty kill composed of only three.

Those 5 on 3 kills were things of BEAUTY.

Anyway, thus ends another NHL season, which despite having it's dull moments in the playoffs, was I think the best since the lockout, all things considered.

I'll keep posting over the summer, you know, just in case one of the Staal boys decides to have another bachelor party.

But for now, it's nice out.

Anybody wanna watch a baseball game?

Well-

- for the first time in history, the Stanley Cup is awarded on my birthday.

This might be the worst goaltending, on both sides, that I have ever seen in a Stanley Cup Final.

I will say that the ending of this game was dramatic as hell.

Boyoboy-

Was there ever a lamer Stanley Cup winning goal?

OK- Brett Hull in the crease aside- really?

Was there?

While I'm at it-

Kristen Bell must be devastated.

It's sad to see someone who has had such a tough year, what with her great career, killer body, tons of fans and a hit movie playing right now suffering through such a tough Red Wing loss on Monday.

I mean, if the Wings don't pull this off, she'll have to suffer through the existence of being a gorgeous movie star whose hockey team has only won three cups in the past decade.

If anyone has an address when we can send our condolances, I will certainly post it in this space.

Chin up, Kristen- there's gotta be a silver lining somewhere.

You just have to look for it.

Could we have a classic on our hands?

Last night, as the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Detroit Red Wings wrapped up a second thrilling overtime period and were heading into a third, my wife, who is usually in bed by slightly before midnight and holds an opinion about televised ice hockey that can best be described as "tolerant," got up from the couch and announced "OK- It's after midnight. I'm going to bed." She took a couple of steps towards the bathroom, turned back and added, "the second this game is over."

It was pretty extraordinary.

Hockey hasn't crossed over to the casual fan since the ice bowl, and it did it again last night.

So now, after the most thrilling Stanley Cup Final overtime game since before the lockout, I'm wondering if we have a classic on our hands, one of those Stanley Cup playoff series that people talk about. Like the Rangers and Canucks in 1994, the Flyers and Oilers in 1987, or the Flames and Lightning in 2004. (OK- I'm not sure if people actually do still talk about the Flames and Lightning in 2004, but they should, it was a great Final series.) We're not there yet. I'll admit, there have been some boring ass games in this series. The Pens getting shut out in game one and game two make for boring hockey while it's happening, but what made for boring hockey back then makes for a compelling drama as a potential comeback takes shape.

If there are any Boston sports fans out there, you might remember that when the Yankees took game three of the 2004 ALCS by a score of 19-8 for a 3-0 series lead, that wasn't really great baseball either. But if you stuck around for the end of that series, you were treated to a pretty terrific finish.

The reason I'm wondering if this will be a great series is, since game three, like in all great Stanley Cup final series, I have found myself switching allegiances from game to game, period to period, even shift to shift sometimes. And I hate the fucking Penguins. Granted, the Red Wings appear to be the better team, I am on record in this blog as suggesting that the Pens might not even win a single game, and Detroit blows away the Penguins in shots on goal and puck possession.

Still, here we are going into game six in Pittsburgh, the Wings were a mere 30 seonds from a Stanley Cup and they couldn't close the deal.

The Penguins are a younger team and their building is going to be as amped up as they've been since Mario came back from retirement.

It will be very interesting to see how the Penguins respond to the boost of a triple OT win, and the raucous crowd, and even more interesting to see how the Wings handle the pressure. It is very possible that Detroit just comes out, cool as cucumbers, controls the puck, and walks away with the cup in a 1-0 victory (or maybe 2-1 with an empty netter.)

And I have to say, I have always been a critic of Sidney Crosby, not because he isn't great, I have always begrudgingly admitted his skill and tenacity, but because he was overhyped and over promoted before he had ever done anything in the playoffs. Well, in this series, he has done something. A lot of things. He won me over last night with great playmaking under pressure, and more impressively, tremendous backchecking, which in itself led to offensive chances.

But now, for the neutral hockey fan, nothing but good can come out of the rest of this series. If the Red Wings win, we see the cup awarded to yes, a hard working excellent hockey team, but moreover to a front office that has put an excellent, competitive contender out on the ice for over a decade. If past Detroit cups were the story of Yzerman, Federov, Chelios, Hasek or Hull, this cup is all about Ken Holland.

So if Detroit wins on Wednesday (my birthday, by the way) we celebrate a general manager and an excellent franchise, and if Pittsburgh wins, we celebrate an upcoming game seven of the Stanley Cup Final, which is a reason to celebrate in and of itself.

And then, after game seven is over, we'll go ahead and celebrate that general manager and excellent franchise.

I mean, c'mon, does anybody think Detroit is losing this thing?

If they even come close, we'll have a classic on our hands.

Thank God there is no hockey tonight.

Cause you know what would crush the Stanley Cup Final in tonight's ratings?

SPELLING BEE!

Jesus, I love the spelling bee.

It's the perfect storm or nerdiness, child abuse, and white-knuckled tension.

Check this out:



I know that I bitch a lot about NHL promos, but I'll tell ya, the NHL would do OK to get a couple of these kids up on a podium and get them to try to spell the more difficult names of some of the NHL stars.

Here's how it goes:


LITTLE NERDY KID APPROACHES PODIUM, STANDS NERVOUSLY.

STERN JUDGE (Voiceover): Afinogenov.

KID: Definition please?

JUDGE: The last name of Maxim Afinogenov, an All Star Right Wing for the National Hockey League's Buffalo Sabres.

KID: Language of Origin please?

JUDGE: Russian

KID: Part of Speech please?

JUDGE: Noun, proper name.

KID: Afinogenov?

JUDGE: Afinogenov.

KID: Afinogenov?

JUDGE: Afinogenov.

KID: Can you use it in a sentence please?

JUDGE: After picking off a pass in the neutral zone, Afinogenov electrified the crowd by beating two defenders and scoring.

KID: Afinogenov. A-F-I-N-A-G-E-N-O-V. Afinogenov.

(BELL DINGS, THE KID GOT IT WRONG. THE KID REACTS IN SHOCKED DISAPPOINTMENT)

CUT TO CLIP OF AFINOGENOV PICKING OFF A PASS IN THE NEUTRAL ZONE, BEATING TWO DEFENDERS AND SCORING, ELECTRIFYING THE CROWD.

CUT TO EXIT SCREEN WITH NHL LOGO

VOICEOVER: The players of the National Hockey League: Hard to Spell, Easy to watch.

END

Then rinse and repeat with a different kid, doing Giguere, Kostitsyn, Datsyuk, you name it. You get a funny little sketch, and a great hockey highlight.

Perfect.

You see NHL?

How fucking hard is that?

Great hockey game last night-

Wow.

Finally.

I feel like last night was some of the first really entertaining playoff hockey games I've seen since the first round. Even though I'm loathe to really root for the Penguins, I gotta tell you, it's nice to see a series not go 3-0 right off the bat. Also, I can't help but root for old friend Hal Gill, even though he was certainly a bit of a mixed bag in Boston. Still, despite how well the Penguins played with the lead (something they have done in almost every one of their victories through what has been a relatively easy path to the Final)I can't really say I like their chances.

Despite what the scoreboard said at the end of the game, the Penguins started this game very, very weak, virtually daring Detroit to beat them by not putting a 5 on 5 shot on the net until halfway through the first period. For a team that seemingly needs to get a lead to win games, this does not bode well.

And yeah, I know, they rallied back against the Rangers in game one of that series, but c'mon, that was the Rangers, who simply tried to sit on a lead and blew it. If the Penguins are going to win this series (or at least make it competitive,) they need to take it to Detroit early and often, and that means Malkin needs to start shooting. I know, on paper, the Penguins are one of the best defensive teams in the playoffs. But if I'm getting into a defensive battle, I'd rather not do it in a zero-zero contest against a team that has Nic Lidstrom playing 25 minutes a game.

Also, a special shout out should go to the officials in this game, who allowed a simply splendid stretch of something like 6 furious minutes of play in the third period without a single whistle. It stood in stark contrast to the last moments of the Celtics/Pistons game I watched after the hockey ended, a game that took half an hour to run the last 45 seconds off the clock in a series of timeouts, fouls and free throws that practically put me to sleep.

Now, I know, debating that hockey is better than basketball (or any sport) is kind of ridiculous, especially since a die hard fan of either sport isn't going to have his mind changed, but I will say this- the tension and excitement of the last part of a hockey game is (with the rare exception of a penalty shot) played out while the game is going on, actively, rather than passively. In the waining moments of a basketball game the drama is played out and heightened during stoppages, while players stand around waiting to watch somebody sink or miss a free throw.

in my mind, it is those passive moments of the game, (something also ever present in baseball and to a lesser extent, football) which I find inferior to the active costant motion of hockey, and for that matter, the field Lacrosse game, which I also think is just great- the NCAA championships and semis were the best thing I've seen on ESPN since they cancelled NHL 2nite.

So we have a game four Friday, and it'd be nice to see the Penguins pull out a win and make a series out of it.

So- what do you think will beat the NBC coverage of the Stanley Cup Final tonight ratings-wise?

ABC's Wife Swap?

I doubt it. While I have never seen this show, the title seems to suggest it's like a big game show where you get to fuck somebody else's wife. If this was true, I would love it, and watch it very week, to see the destroyed lives unfolding before my eyes. Sadly, I don't think the wives have to fuck their new husbands, I just think they have to tolerate their new families, which they won't be able to do, especially seeing as most famlies can't even tolerate each other. If people want to see arguing, they are better off watching Sidney Crosby bitching at the ref.

Advantage: NHL

Fox's: So You Think You can Dance?

Again, I think the NHL has a chance to beat this. I quote the immortal words of Reggie Dunlop, who once screamed at a ref who was calling a penalty on his Charlestown Chiefs: "What are you running out here, a fuckin' dancefloor?!" However, in the case of the first nationally televised Stanley Cup Final game on network television featuring not only Sidney Crosby, but recently concussed Red Wing Johann Franzen, it's safe to say yes, the National Hockey League will be running a fucking dancefloor tonight. Expect lots of power plays. If you want a dancefloor, you'll get one on both channels, which might pull some viewers interested in such a thing. Frustrated hardcore hockey fans will do what they always do, and yell at their television screens.

Advantage: NHL

CBS's: Price is Right Spectacular:

This is a close call. I'm gonna say if it's with Bob Barker, it kills the NHL. If it's Drew Carey, the game has a shot.

Advantage: TIE: NHL/BARKER

Could it actually be that the NHL could win the network ratings tonight?

Lemme know what you think. I'll tell ya, if this game sucks, I'm flipping over to the Celtics/Pistons on TNT.

My Friend Bob Powers-

-has written a book, called "You Are a Miserable Excuse for a Hero," and despite it's eerie applicability to every member of the Pittsburgh Penguins offense, it has nothing to do with hockey.

At least I don't think it does.

This book is an updated version of those "Choose Your Own Adventure" books I used to read when I was a kid, and I'm super proud of him, as back when I was the editor-in-chief of Jest Magazine, we ran an early version of this story, which he has now expanded into a hilarious, dark and disturbing book.

So I say it has nothing to do with hockey, but who knows? When I flipped through it, the choices I made led me to having sex with my ex-girlfriend, then eventually demanding that a kidnapper shoot my father in the head. I tried a few other storylines, but it was that one that worked out the best in the end. Still, I haven't read all the other possible choices and endings, so who knows? Maybe there is some choice you can make that will have you playing on a line with Sidney Crosby, who (unless you happen to be a member of the Detroit Red Wings) you are currently tied with in point production in the 2008 Stanley Cup Final.

If you want to try the book out, and make some choices yourself, click here, then go buy it here!

What I'm doing tonight-

- to continue the "Things I've been enjoying recently that aren't hockey" theme (Finals start tomorrow) I'm seeing Van Halen tonight.

An extra ticket came through through a bunch of buddies of mine, and I decided to go. I was excited about it all morning, and then I had a depressing thought.

I saw Van Halen 20 years ago.

I'm not 35 yet, so it's slowly becoming a more common occurrence that I can say that phrase. It was one thing when I said things like "I haven't been on the monkey bars for 20 years!" But when it's things that I still like to do, that's a milestone, there.

Not to knock the monkey bars, but you know what I mean.

Yep, I saw Van Halen 20 years ago.

Of course, it's better than "30 pounds ago," which also applies, but still- Ooof.

Granted, when I saw them last time, it was on the "Monsters of Rock" tour, but times have changed. You know,other than that whole "guy named George Bush in the White House and a new Indiana Jones movie coming out" thing.

For one thing, in 1988, the Bruins were in the Stanley Cup finals.

sigh.

Anybody watch SNL this weekend?

Well I did, and I thought it was pretty funny.

I've been watching a lot of popular entertainment recently, mainly because with the exception of a few rare sparks of effort by Dallas and Marty Turco, both the Eastern and Western Conference championship series have been desperately fucking dull.

That said, they are mercifully over now, and hopefully we'll have a decent cup final, although I wouldn't be surprised if the Penguins don't win a single game.

That said, here are some of the things I've been enjoying more than hockey these days:

The Iron Man movie:
Not a revolutionary piece of cinema, but marketed honestly, which I appreciate. The movie was called Iron Man, and guess what was in it? An Iron Man.
Several in fact. The only way I can see anybody leaving that movie angry would be if they hated receiving more than what they paid for."What! I was expecting one Iron Man, singular, and instead I got Iron Men, in the plural! Fraud!" Nope, it was fun, featured good Robert Downey Jr, and had robot fights in it.

Adding Machine: The Musical

My mother-in-law was in town for her birthday this weekend, and like all upper middle class members of the baby boom generation who visit New York City, she finds herself genetically compelled to attend either a Broadway or an off-Broadway show. I'm not quite sure why this is, but I don't mess with it, and it's fun to see a live show from time to time. Plus, it was one of the best reviewed musicals of the season, and described as an extremely bleak, dark comedy, which interests me more than your average overpriced, overblown, watered-down broadway crap. My wife enjoyed it more than I did, but it was certainly a dark, ambitious, funny work of art, and a great night out. Very well acted too, perhaps not well acted enough to convince the NHL on NBC's entire on air broadcast team, but well acted.

Grand Theft Auto IV:
I bought this game, along with an Xbox360 recently, because my beautiful wife, a talented singer and voiceover artist, is one of the voices on the game. I will thank you to take note that I did not purchase this game because I enjoy staying up until 3:00 in the morning killing virtual hookers with rocket launchers, I purchased it because I am a supportive husband. The hooker killing is just a happy offshoot of that support. I did get a fun phone call from my buddy Ted though, (Not that Ted, a different Ted,) who left me a message telling me that he had purchased a copy of Grand Theft Auto, and would like to know which character my wife portrayed, so that he might avoid having sex with her, gunning her down in the street or both. I thought this was damn considerate. I know, it's all show business, but he was right to check in to see if he was crossing a line. It's all good, by the way, as she is actually a character in a sketch about health care on PRL, the Liberty City Public Radio Station. She plays a pharmaceutical rep named Sheila, and eventually gets her head drilled open by a character played by the unrelenting Rick Shapiro, who you might remember from the late, great HBO show Lucky Louie. SNL's Bill Hader is also in that sketch, along with my pal Bryan Tucker, who is a writer on SNL as well.

Which brings me back to hockey.

I was watching SNL last night (thanks, DVR!) and happened to catch a promo, on NBC, for the Stanley Cup Finals on Versus. I have long been a proponent of the theory that the best way to sell hockey is to show hockey, and Versus brought us back to the bad old days in style, showing us a promo for the Stanley Cup Finals starring- yes, a Lawn Chair.



Sigh.

I mean, is promoting this game really so fucking hard?

Sharks vs Stars:

Roy Scheider and Samuel L Jackson are both big stars.

So how will the Stars fare tonight?

Like this:



Or like this:

Attention Rangers, Sharks and Avalanche:

I got a video for ya:



It might be time to change up your game plans.

Also, that is a pretty impressive sandtrap.

(You like how I'm tenuously clinging to the golf thing?)

Bruins finish second.

I don't know about you, but I'm proud of them.

Not so sure how much longer I can keep this up.

I kinda want to watch tomorrow night's Stars/Sharks game.

So, you guys seen this yet?

It' a year old, but what the hell.



The thing I love about this is that at one point, Ovechkin starts yelling at the guys on the next tee that he got a hole in one. What's beautiful about that is it isn't necessarily clear to them that Ovechkin is either a professional athlete, or from Russia.

To those dudes, this might just be a the most talented golfer with downs syndrome on the planet.

Hooray, golf!

Our Exciting New Format

Well, it's official. All the favored teams of the staff here at American Hockey Fan are now out of the running for the Stanley Cup. Most recently the Bruins, the Devils before them, and the Sabres who, not unlike Jack and Jen themselves, disappeared long ago. Even our surrogate favorite team the Washington Capitals have called it a year after a valiant 7-game effort against the Flyers.

Dammit, there's just no one left to root for.

So, after some soul searching (and some head-scratching) we've decided to unveil the exciting new format you see in the header above. So keep us bookmarked, America - don't forget to check in for our thoughts on the Players Championship, the U.S. Open, and the John Deere Classic, as well as Ritch's special series on whether this Tiger Woods kid is the real deal.

That's right, it's American Golf Fan all summer long...or at least until we break down and tune back in to the playoffs. Or, failing that, September, when we start our annual complaining about whether or not pre-season hockey is worth watching.

American Golf Fan - get into the swing!

Eight is not enough.

Well the first round is over, and with it, my love affair with any of the remaining teams in contention for the Stanley Cup.

Thanks a lot Washington Capitals.

I mean, for Christ's sake, with the Bruins gone and the Cinderella Capitals season over, who in the hell am I supposed to root for now?

In the East, we have Montreal and Pittsburgh, two teams that I have been on record, over and over again, as hating. So the enemy of my enemy is my friend, right?

Well, sort of. I'm always happy to see the Habs and Pens lose, but there are some complications.

On the one hand, the Rangers are playing Pittsburgh, but they are captained by Jaromir Jagr, one of the chief architects of my hatred for the Pens to begin with. I can't get behind that guy winning another cup. I just can't. Plus, the other guys on that team that I could really root for, Drury and Shanahan, already have cups. And for my friends who are Ranger fans, 1994 isn't THAT far away. If you start to feel bad, pop this in the DVD player, and you'll buck right up. It's got 15 discs in it, for God's sake, that oughta get you through the summer. And I know, it'd be nice to see Lundquist win a cup, but not on Jagr's team. He's got some time.

On the other hand, you have Montreal playing Philly, and as fun as it will be to root against Montreal, can I really cheer on the thugs who ended the season of Patrice Bergeron?


In the West, which I'll admit I'm less familiar with, you have some options, but none of them great.

The Red Wings, Stars, and Avalanche have all had Stanley Cup wins in recent years, and while the Stars only have one cup, and I like Marty Turco, I just don't know that I can root for former Hab and habitual diver Mike Ribero, who I'm again on record as hoping he would get a testicle caught in a set of impact-tested accordian shutters.



Which leaves us with the Sharks.

Goddamnit, I like the Sharks. I like the way they play, I think their goaltender deserves the Vezina, I like watching Brian Campbell, it'd be nice to see Roenick get a cup after all these years, and I'm on record as saying that Patrick Marleau is both underrated and awesome.

It's just a Joe Thornton thing.

I like him.

I really do.

I think most Bruins fans wish the guy the best, but I'll tell ya, I'm not sure I'm ready to see another ex-Bruins captain lifting up the Stanley Cup. I mean, I'd feel good for the guy and everything, I'm just not sure I can do it. To see the guy who was the future of the Bruins lifting the cup over his head, I mean- I know, I know- I really like the guy, and on paper, go Joe.

But I'm just not sure my heart will follow my head.

Not when the Bruins haven't won a cup since the goddamned Nixon administration.

I don't know- is there a storyline out there I'm missing?

A feel good reason for me to root for one of these teams that I don't know about?

Lemme know, cause I'm all ears, and I'm told the Celtics are pretty good this year.

PLease, don't make me go there.

Cause I really don't know shit about Basketball.

Adieu to the Bruins

I know.

I should be happy for these Bruins.

And on paper, I am.

There is an awful lot to love about this young team, and going into next year, there is a tremendous amount to build on.

And we'll always have game six.

But ultimately, right now, I guess the reason that I'm really disappointed is that, much like the team itself, I believed in these Bruins. And their post game comments bear out that even if very few others did, they believed in themselves:

(Quotes from the Boston Globe)

Zdeno Chara: "In the end, you feel so empty. We really thought we were going to the next round. We believed we were going to get it done."

Tim Thomas: "I don't think anybody in this locker room thought we'd be done tonight. The belief was there. It was on my part. It was on everybody's part that we would keep this thing going."

Marc Savard: "It's tough because guys battled hard. We really believed as a group that we could go on."

Claude Julien: "I think we all believed we could get to the next round of the playoffs...our expectations were high...and rightfully so."

This team exceeded expectations, battled through injuries, fought down the stretch, and earned their way into the playoffs by refusing to quit, even after losing their top defenseman (Chara) and leading scorer (Savard) for key periods at the end of the season.

Then, in much the same way as Ben described the Devils this season, the playoffs were, for the Bruins, a microcosm of the regular season.

Both the regular season and the playoffs started with virtually no one giving the Bruins a chance, and that was before they faced serious adversity. In the regular season, the prognosticators had them finishing in the basement even before they lost Bergeron and Alberts, and in the playoffs even Bruins boosters like John Buccigross opined that the best the Bruins could possibly hope for was to win a single home game.

After they dropped the first two in Montreal, thanks to an unstoppable opening charge by the Habs (and their fans) in game one, and a referee's whistle in game two, the B's were counted out and in a deep hole.

Then, in both the regular season, and the playoffs, they battled back, played with their hearts, and played their game. And like their heroic effort to fight to the finish and make the playoffs, forcing game seven became a major victory in itself. While forcing a game seven against anybody after being down 3-1 would have been impressive, doing so against the Canadiens got a monkey off their back that they could finally beat a team that had bested them all season. That game six victory was not only the best Bruins game that I've seen in years, but it did wonders for winning back hockey fans in the Hub, reminding the folks who have been content to ride happily along for the winning ways of the Patriots, Celtics, and Red Sox that hockey deserves it's place in, and perhaps one day again, atop, the "big four."

So I know- I should be happy.

And I will be again, with some time. Basically, this game, like all game sevens, was a game of inches, and if that first Montreal goal doesn't bounce in off a stick, who knows?

If Murray buries that picture perfect pass from Savard before crashing into the boards and ending his season, (and maybe his career with the Bruins?), who knows?

And, goddamnit, when at the 14 minute mark of the first period, when Chara gambled to chip it in at the blueline, and Kessel made a great play, whirling his body outside the zone, barely keeping the puck inside, and delivering a laser of a pass to Sturm who shot it with Krejci on the doorstep... who knows?

OK- now I'm just pouring salt on the wound.

But, that's the game of hockey, and the Bruins showed a ton of heart, guts and fight this year. Through it all, they were fun to watch. Add to the equation that next year, we'll have a healthy Patrice Bergeron, a ton of talented rookies and the confidence that they can compete in the playoffs.

But allow me to be bummed out for today.

I mean, you know ... I really believed.

I bet Tim Russert woulda known who he was.

Here ya go, hockey fans-

Just go ahead and listen up through the 2:30 mark or so.



Thanks to the Fanhouse and The Sidney Crosby Show for the find.

Puck drops for Game Seven of Bruins/Habs in 30 minutes.

Anaheim Duck Soup

Well, the formerly mighty Stanley Cup Champion Anaheim Ducks have been eliminated from the playoffs by the Dallas Stars, and I say good riddance.

At least now Scott Neidermeyer and Teemu Selanne won't have to play any more of those hockey games they seemed to find so inconvenient to show up for during the first 2/3rds of the season.

Oh, and I know I probably shouldn't embed this, but why the hell not?

It's probably better than anything else you'd watch on the internet this morning:



Sorry, Defending Stanley Cup Champion Anaheim Ducks, but it's time to leave. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get in a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon you can leave in a minute and a huff.

Don't look now, defending Stanley Cup Champion Anaheim Ducks, but there is one hockey team too many in this room, and I think it's you.

What a Game.

Bruins/Canadiens.

What can you say?

This is why you watch the playoffs.

Games like these.

That was the most thrilling Bruins game I've seen since before Ray Bourque left town.

Wow.



I'll say it again.

I. Like. Our. Chances.

Defending Marty

Somebody's gotta do it - if not on the ice, then off.

I can't really say much in defense of the Devils' performance this post-season other than that it was a microcosm of most of their regular season, which consisted of them being almost good enough to get the job done, but not quite. Their regular MO seemed to be:

1. Dig an enormous hole.


2. Climb almost all the way out of it.


3. Don't.

They went 4-7 in October, then clawed back, spending much of the season at the top of their division. They lost that position, but had multiple chances to regain it in the waning weeks of the season. And they were almost good enough to do it...but not quite.

And again in the playoffs. They were almost good enough to beat the Rangers - three of the four losses included empty net goals, and the one that didn't was a 2-1 final that even the most die-hard Ranger fan would have to admit was decided by the officials. And they mounted a heroic (though admittedly flukey) comeback in Game 5. In each case, almost good enough, but not quite.

So that's that. The Rangers were the better team this year, and while that hurts to say, it can't really be disputed.

What can be disputed was that Sean Avery deserved a handshake out of all this.

Regular readers of this blog know Ritch to be a huge traditionalist and lover of the history of the sport. So as soon as I saw Marty and Avery skate past each other without shaking, I knew Ritch was going to flip. I mean, he was on record as looking forward to it, for God's sake.

But Ritch, you're wrong on this one.

First of all, watch the end of the game. They skated past EACH OTHER. It's not like Avery had his hand out and got it slapped away or ignored. During the media tongue-bath after the game, he was quick to point out that oh, of course, he would've shaken Marty's hand. And yet Avery's hand was not out. Shocking.

But that's a minor point, really. I submit that what is great about the tradition of the handshake is not the physical act itself, but the respect that it signifies for a hard-fought battle on the ice. If that respect is not earned or given, the handshake is meaningless. And I believe traditions should be more than empty gestures.

I think we all agree that playoff hockey is a battle, emotions run high, and so forth. But after a two-year campaign of trashing Marty in the media, running him over and playing innocent, and saying God knows what in his ear when they were face to face in a pile (though he probably didn't get the opportunity to haul out any of his racial or cancer material), what did Avery expect?

He reminds me of Karl Rove, in that his reputation is more impressive than the man himself. Both guys have above-average ability, but enjoy greater success than that ability merits simply because they're willing to sink lower than any opponent they face. Does it work? Obviously. Does it merit a handshake? Not a chance.

So I'll watch while the hockey media (with a few notable exceptions) continues to pile on Brodeur and the Devils, their favorite whipping boys. But I promise you it'll be a different story once Avery starts running Carey Price, or calling out Sidney Crosby for whining - and fans of the sport will start to wonder if they spent this week throwing the right guy under the bus.

Holy Shit! (Literally)

So I'm sitting here on a lovely afternoon in Manhattan, watching the Caps battle the Flyers for their playoff lives, in an entertaining tilt on NBC, broadcast in beautiful high definition.

As much as I like watching hockey in HD, I was curious about this afternoon's game and what would happen if it were to go to overtime, a possibility given these two teams recent double OT thriller.

It was on my mind particularly based on NBC's horrible decision last season to cut away from the Sabres/Senators playoff game to show the pregame show of a goddamn horserace.

When that happened last year, I was pissed.

So this year, I checked ahead and saw that the programming NBC has planned directly after NHL hockey is the following:

"The Outback Steakhouse Pro-Am Golf Tournament."

While Golf gets good rating and all, that sounded to me like programming that is, well- pre-emptable.

Sweet.

So this afternoon, I settled in behind my TV, assured in my knowledge that playoff OT, should it happen, is in my future.

Then, just now, to my horror, a "weather alert" type blue bar starts scrolling across the bottom of my TV, announcing that the Outback Steakhouse Pro-Am Golf Tournament will be seen on the following channels to make room for coverage of the Papal visit."

What?!

Now- it's not time to panic yet, but rest assured- if I can't watch playoff overtime in the Stanley Cup finals in high definition, I'd really appreciate a better reason than a parade for an Ex-Nazi who flew in to apologize for decades of unpunished, institutionalized child rape.

Oh, I'm sorry, I mean "spreading a message of peace."

I mean, OK- whatever, some people want to watch the Pope, I get it.

But c'mon, do you really need the HD feed for that? I've seen what old people look like in HD and trust me, hockey looks better.

I'm just saying, if the Flyers scrape out a goal in the third here and force some OT, I'm gonna be missing the HD broadcast of Alexander Ovechkin playing for his post-season life.

And in the Catholic Church, isn't "life" the most important thing?

You know, while the NHL is in the business of making up unsportsmanslike conduct penalties-

-How about one for Marty Brodeur?

Sure, Avery was a huge pain in the ass, and caught the attention of the league for his antics in this series, but you know what?

They worked.

And I hate to say it, but I think Marty Brodeur should be fined, penalized or generally shamed in some way for refusing to shake Avery's hand.

The handshake line at the end of a playoff series is one of the NHL's greatest traditions, and it shows a lack of class on Brodeur's part. You don't have to like it, but you have to do it.

That said, I'm two for three so far on my series predictions, with the Rangers and Penguins both advancing.I'm still waiting on the Bruins. That being said, I'm a little bummed out by the fact that the Devils are done, especially seeing as playoff tickets at MSG are harder to come by than stubs for the Rock.

Good night of hockey tonight, with a fun night at the Ziegfeld Theater to watch the Rangers clinch, and wrapped up just now watching the Ducks stay alive with a dominating 3rd period.

Oh, and Kudos to Time Warner cable for finally adding Versus/Golf in HD!

Now I can finally see the startling horror that is Brian Engblom's hair in crystal clear high definition. Seriously, that dude looks like the rape-baby of Luke Skywalker and the crow from the Secret of NIMH.

OK- I'm a little tired.

If you have a better "that dude's hair looks like" joke, I'm all ears.

The Great Ziegfeld!

Hey, hockey fans-

Wanna go to a movie?

No, I'm not talking about the Academy Award winning Best Picture of 1936, I'm talking about watching a playoff hockey game at Manhattan's famous Ziegfeld Theater, arguably the best place to watch a movie on the planet. The Ziegfeld is the place you want to go for the debut of any big budget, big screen blockbuster, for the best sound and biggest picture in the world. It seats just under 1200 people, and until recently was showing that Scorcese /Rolling Stones documentary, "Shine a Light,"which I haven't seen, mainly because I'm a little bit over the recent fad of Zombie flicks.

The New York Rangers and the MSG network have taken over the Ziegfeld for game five of their first round matchup with the Devils, and if they prevail, I'll be watching the most jaw dropping thing I've seen on that huge screen since I first saw Trinity whipping ass at the opening of the first Matrix movie.

That's right, Sean Avery shaking hands with Marty Brodeur.

But even though the Rangers have the edge right now, I like the Devils chances tonight. I stand by my predicition that the Rangers will win this series, but my gut tells me it's not the Rangers night.

We'll see.

I wrote about this event last year, but heard about it late, and wasn't able to go. As I write this, the Rangers organization tells me that over 1000 people have already bought tickets (yours truly included) and they are expecting a sellout. I just went to the website, and it appears tickets are still available, there will be free popcorn and soda and they will be selling beer.

REPEAT: THEY WILL BE SELLING BEER

I make that clear, simply because playoff hockey without beer is like fresh Maine lobster without butter: Still awesome, but somehow lacking.

Also, Adam Graves and Ron Duguay will be on hand, giving out prizes and greeting fans. This will be good for me, since I seem to be the only hockey fan in the Tri-State area who hasn't yet met Adam Graves, and as for Duguay, well- I'm pretty curious to see how old number 10 looks in his Sassoon's these days:



The troubling thing is that each and every one of the men in that ad could easily kick my ass.

Oo la la, indeed.

I. Like. Our. Chances.

OK.

I'll admit it.

I was wrong.

I picked the Boston Bruins to win their series against the Montreal Canadiens in six games.

Clearly, this will not happen.

That being said, I like their chances in seven.

They were knocked on their heels on game one.
A referee's whistle stole game two.
They won in OT in game three.
They lost a coin flip of a game in game four.
They got in Carey Price's head in game five.

So, the way I see it, each team has a blowout, and each team has a coin flip of a one goal win, and the difference is another one goal game that the referees handed to the Habs.

Going into Boston tomorrow, I like our chances.

I quote myself:

Despite the fact that the Bruins didn't score in game four, they were for much of the game the better team, and now they have the chance to go back to Montreal, and face that crowd again. My guess is they rise to the challenge. Obviously, being down 3-1, it's easy to say that the Bruins can't lose another game. But if they had won last night, would the situation be any different? Could they afford to go back to Montreal and lose, hope to win in Boston and then head back to the building that they never won a game in for game seven?

No matter what happened last night, they would need a win in Montreal in game 5.

And if they can do this, they will build on the confidence that they have started building in game two, and add to it the knowledge that they can beat them in their own barn. With that kind of momentum, I really like their chances back in Boston for game six, and in game seven, anything can happen.

I like our chances.

And I know I don't spend a lot of time talking about the west, but how about that Marty Turco?

Look out for that guy.

New York Post Hockey Columnist Larry Brooks: Genius or Thief?!!

Anybody whose anybody knows that the New York Post's Larry Brooks is pretty much one of the finest hockey journalists in the tri-state area, if not the nation.

Along with the Boston Globe's Kevin Paul Dupont, he is one of the grand old men of hockey writers, and if he isn't in the hall of fame already, he should be.

He's great.

So I was shocked, SHOCKED to read the beginning of his most recent column which featured the following passage:

April 16, 2008 - LISTEN, I didn't particularly like it, either, for after Sean Avery went Reggie Dunlop in the crease against Martin Brodeur on Sunday night ("Hey Hanrahan...") I was waiting for Brendan Shanahan to ease into the Ned Braden role and do a striptease while taking a lap around the Garden ice.

Anybody note the date on that?

April 16th?

Now perchance, did anybody peruse AmericanHockeyFan.com on April 15th?

Now you tell me- is Larry Brooks a genius, or a thief?!

Oh, and yes- if someone independently comes up with the same idea as I did, I am considering that as evidence of their genius. Either way, I'm getting sick and tired of the New York Hockey media ripping off American Hockey Fan.

Deb Kaufman still owes me a goddamn beer, by the way.

Nice job, Habs-

-you made that child cry.

You sicken me, to my very core you French bastards.

Still, all is not lost for the Boston Bruins.

The Bruins played a great hockey game last night. The only thing you can really fault them for was a lackluster start of the second period, and not being able to generate enough shots (were there any?) on Price in the last seven minutes. Keep in mind, the Canadiens started icing the puck and playing kitty bar the door for almost a full seven minutes at the end of the game, and that's a real bad sign for Montreal. The Bruins had a nice passing play in the final seconds, but just didn't get the job done.

Still, being down 3-1 against the Canadiens is bad. If you look at it as having to win three straight games against a team you've beaten once in your last 14 meetings, it's very bad. But there is reason to look at it differently.

First off, despite what the Canadian hockey press is attempting to foist on us, Carey Price is no Patrick Roy and/or Ken Dryden. Not yet, and not from what he's showed us thus far in the series.

-His goals against is good, yes, but he's playing the Bruins, a team that has scored fewer goals than almost anybody in the playoffs. Remember that if the Habs advance to play either the Devils or Rangers, the East's other two other low scoring teams that can win, before you allow the media to prematurely put a crown on this kid's head for his GAA.

-27 saves is not really a lot of shots in an NHL shutout. Yes, he got the job done, and the Bruins didn't score last night. He made a few nice saves (Murray in the slot from a Savard feed, and getting a piece of that Sturm shorthanded chance when he was out of position) but for my money, the best save of the series is still Thomas in OT of game 3. Price has been solid, no question, but he hasn't yet made THAT save, the save he has no business making.

For a team that is up 3-1, the Canadiens are nothing close to dominant, with the explosive performance of game one a distant memory. Sure, they may win this series, especially seeing as the last three games have been one goal squeakers, but while the Bruins didn't win last night, they did come away with confidence. They can beat this team, and if not for a referee's whistle in game two, the series is tied.

And confidence is the key factor right now, as it's exactly what the Bruins didn't have coming into Montreal in game one. They hadn't beaten this team all year, were afraid to play physical because of Montreal's dominant power play, and had a large portion of their team making their playoff debuts, including their starting goaltender and leading scorer, the latter who also had a very sore back. So they got jumped on by both the Habs and their building in game one, and lost their confidence.

But now they have it back.

Despite the fact that the Bruins didn't score in game four, they were for much of the game the better team, and now they have the chance to go back to Montreal, and face that crowd again. My guess is they rise to the challenge. Obviously, being down 3-1, it's easy to say that the Bruins can't lose another game. But if they had won last night, would the situation be any different? Could they afford to go back to Montreal and lose, hope to win in Boston and then head back to the building that they never won a game in for game seven?

No matter what happened last night, they would need a win in Montreal in game 5.

And if they can do this, they will build on the confidence that they have started building in game two, and add to it the knowledge that they can beat them in their own barn. With that kind of momentum, I really like their chances back in Boston for game six, and in game seven, anything can happen.

How ya feeling, Patrice?

Let's Go Bruins!

If the Canadiens win tonight, this child will cry.

My thoughts on Sean Avery-

- good for him.

Seriously.



I know they are talking about making what he did a penalty, and maybe they should, but, I mean- there wasn't a rule against it when he did it, right?

And it was entertaining, and it did lead to them getting a goal, I guess.

Cause I'm looking in the rulebook now, and here's what I don't see:

Penalty Rule: #358

"Being a little bitch."

When screening the goaltender, it is inadvisable to face the goaltender, not look at the play, and wave your hands and stick around like a little bitch. If someone in fact decides to act like a little bitch, he will be penalized for two minutes, or if his little bitchiness ends up in the opposition somehow bleeding, a double minor of four minutes for, and I quote, "being a tremendously annoying little bitch."

I mean, fuck- I don't know- if there isn't a rule against it, I say, go ahead and be an entertaining little bitch!

It's not like there isn't any precedent for it in hockey:



Sure, it might not have been pretty, but the Chiefs won that game, right?

Hey Washington!

Take it easy.

Seriously.

We get it.

You're on fire right now and you won't be denied.

You know, it's possible to assert your dominance without devastating the opponent's testicles.

I mean, Jesus.

We all love Ovechkin.

Agreed- we get it. He's awesome.

Now lay off the testicles.

Uncle.

We said it.

Uncle.

Did that do it?

Can you lay off the nuts?

Predictions: Pittsburgh Versus Ottawa

Well, I'm not even going to waste my time on this one.

I hate the Penguins.

Always have, probably always will.

I say probably, because you never know- maybe one day Sidney Crosby and Mario Lemieux will step away from hockey and create a foundation that discovers the cures for AIDS, Cancer, and Ice Cream headaches. They will team up and use their remarkable skills of ceaselessly bitching and whining to officials to harang the higher ups of the World Health Organization to finally cure these awful diseases.

Actually, they could do that, and while I might have a higher opinion of them as citizens of the world, I'd still hate the Penguins. Even after all of that, I'd have a bunch of unprotected sex with strangers, shoot a little heroin with the shared needles of drug addicts, smoke a carton of cigarettes, and eat an entire tub of Breyers Mint Chocolate chip ice cream in 2 minutes flat, all without risk to my heath or well being, and have absolutely no problem whatsoever sitting down in front of the TV and LOVING watching the Penguins lose.

Jesus, I hate that team.

Either way, the Sens are damaged goods, and the Ottawa coach is rallying the troops by claiming that the Penguins threw their last game in order to face them.

Nice strategy dude.

Not only will publicly demeaning your team not really work to rally your guys, but it's probably 100 percent true, which makes it worse. Either way, it doesn't change the fact that even with a healthy Daniel Alfredsson, that team would be fucked. And they don't have Daniel Alfredsson.

I'm no happier about it than you are, but it is what it is.

I mean, Christ.

You know I'm right about this.


Pittsburgh in 5

Predictions: New York vs New Jersey.

Out of all the first round contests in the East- this one is the toughest to call.

Here is what the Rangers and Devils have in common, aside from the strong team defense, and anemic offense.

World class goaltending:

Marty Brodeur and Henrik Lundquist. I'd be inclined to give the advantage to Marty here, just on resumes and playoff experience, but I actually attended the Devils/Rangers game at the Garden last March 27th, and what I saw were two evenly matched goalies at the top of their games. While there are certainly going to be some sparkling saves on both sides in this one, I can't give either team the edge, at least between the pipes.

Czech Superstars who might show up to play:

Patrick Elias and Jaromir Jagr.

Both these guys, at different times of their careers have had the ability to almost singlehandledly provide the offense that their teams have needed to win games. (Granted, the Devils usually needed a little bit less to get the W.) Still, here you have two guys, who if they decide to play up to their skill set, that could be a factor in this series. Remember,when the Rangers played the Devils in the first playoff series after the lockout, the Rangers had built a core of young Czech players around Jagr, and achieved something The Blueshirts hadn't seen since the mid-nineties: chemistry. Elias heard the hype, and after coming back from a season half-lost to Hepatitis, made sure everyone knew who best Czech on the ice was in that series, leading New Jersey to a sweep. But will either Jagr or Elias step it up? I'm thinking that if one of them does, the other one might rise to the challenge. But neither does initially, don't expect one of them to step up unprompted. Either way, it's another wash.

Clutch Performers:

Chris Drury and Jamie Langenbrunner
Who do you like better?

This guy:



Or this guy:



I won't lie to you, I fucking love them both. Thank God I don't don't have to take sides. Either way, it's another wash.

Ultimately, there is one factor and one factor alone that I don't think the Devils can match up with, and it's why I'm picking the Rangers.

Scott Gomez.

He struggled down the stretch a little bit this season, but found his game, and when playing against his former team, he seems to hear those boos and just turn it up a notch. To quote the New York Times:

Gomez led the Rangers this season with 54 assists. He was second on the team in points, with 70, one behind Jaromir Jagr. In eight games against the Devils, he had a goal and six assists. Perhaps most memorably, he came back after missing a game with bruised ribs to lead the Rangers with two assists in a crucial 3-2 victory over the Devils on March 27 at Madison Square Garden.

It's a slim X factor, but I think no matter how much you like or don't like the Rangers to win this, when you base your calculations on how the Gomez played in the regular season, and how he played against his former team in the regular season, you see a different Scott Gomez. I think he's the difference maker.

Rangers in 7


(Note: Ben might take issue with this)

Predictions: Boston Versus Montreal

OK- let me start by saying that every hockey writer on the planet is picking Montreal to win this series. And why not? They have a potentially sensational rookie goaltender in Carey Price, a lethal powerplay led by a rejuvenated Alexei Kovalev, and an overwhelming 13 straight victories against the Bruins. Also, they are the Canadiens, which historically have owned the Bruins in the playoffs (24-5 all time.) Now, here's why they won't this time:

1)Tim Thomas has consistently, over the past three seasons, been told that he is not good enough, will be the backup, won't make the team, or is the stopgap goaltender "for now". He has responded, time and time again, with excellent, clutch play. So now THIS rookie goaltender is going to outplay him? Why exactly? Because he played well in juniors? Tell that to "goalies of the future" Andrew Raycroft, Tukka Rask and Hannu Toivenen. And if you think that he's destined for greatness because Patrick Roy and Ken Dryden both won cups as rookies and he- um, wears the same color sweater? Well, you know what they didn't have? An over-the-top 24 hour internet, print and television media in Montreal telling them that they were the third coming of Christ. Yeah, I'm sure that's GREAT for a young goaltender's nerves. Edge, Tim Thomas.

2) If Alexei Kovalev is my primary offensive weapon in the playoffs, I'd be worried. A lot is made about the fact that Kovalev won a cup, and has that experience, but first of all, that was under the captaincy of Mark Messier is 1994. Montreal's captain Saku Koivu, (while very inspirational when returning from cancer,) is and was no 1994 Mark Messier. Also, his foot is broken and he may not play. I'm not saying that Kovalev wasn't lethal this season. But over a seven game series, I question his character.



3) OK- the Canadiens have won the last 13 games. That sounds bad for the Bruins. But first of all, let's go ahead and wipe away the 5 games that fell at the tail end of last season, which at that point in a devastated season was primarily a chance for the Bruins to give Mark Stuart some NHL icetime. So the Bruins went 0-8 this season. OK, that still still sounds bad, but it bears mentioning that the Bruins success down the playoff stretch was sparked by the shootout loss to the Canadiens on March 22. Sure, that was a loss, and the prognosticators can crow about how the Habs cemented their perfect record against the Bruins, but the Bruins lost their leading scorer in Marc Savard, and the Bruin rookies stepped it up, [particulary David Krejci.) The Bruins went on to take points in every single meaningful game down the stretch, and gave Krejci the confidence that he can play in this league as a #1 centerman. Now, Savard is skating. Patrice Bergeron is cleared for contact. With David Krejci, Glen Metropolit and Phil Kessel, the Bruins can all of a sudden roll 4 lines. Granted, this is based on Bergeron and Savard coming on strong, but it's the NHL playoffs, and these are two All Stars who are really hungry for playoff action, Savard having never played in the postseason, and Bergeron getting his feet wet once, against- who else? Montreal.

Bruins in 6

So if you're home late at night over the next month-

Flip on Versus.

Cause you never know-

There might be a GREAT hockey game on.

Jesus, I love the playoffs.

I take full credit for this

Obviously, I'm kidding. There's no way the league read my post two weeks ago, and as a result, decided to launch a new video portal catering to the fan, along with an upcoming overhaul of NHL.com to include more user-generated content.

Or did they?

3 Cheers for Alex Auld

Last night, the Boston Bruins celebrated clinching a playoff spot for the first time since the lockout, and wrap up the season tonight against the Buffalo Sabres, who will be celebrating, well, Yo-mamma-ween.

Many people counted the Bruins out this season, (although I wasn't among them) but while tremendous credit will be given where it's due (The superb Bruin coaching staff, the emergence of rookie talent, the ability to battle through injuries, Tim Thomas stepping up to the plate, career year in goals for Chara etc) I'd like to give a tip of the hat to a man who will likely be making his last start of the year tonight, backup goaltender Alex Auld.

After Thomas went down with a midseason injury in a game against New Jersey, the Bruins learned that prospect Tukka Rask was not yet read for prime time. So they picked up Alex Auld, and while he has had soe bad luck in shootouts, has played about as well as anyone could have expected.

In a season where you don't clinch a playoff spot until the second to last day of the season, the 23 points he got for this team (9 wins, 5 OT losses, 2 shutouts) loom LARGE.

So hats off to all of the Bruins today, and particularly to Alex Auld.