A recap of the sad situation I'm living in, starting at the beginning of last year's hockey season:
10/10/05: The lockout ends, and after spending a wonderful week watching the free preview of NHL Center Ice from my couch in Brooklyn, I decide not to order the full season package. The bloom is off the rose, and based on the officiating from the first week back, I didn't feel like paying 75 bucks for three months of powerplays awarded for "unnecessary stretching out of the delicate shoulder straps of an opposing player's sun dress." Seriously, the penalty calls were out of hand last year. I figured that once we got three months into the league, both the refs and the players might have it figured out a little better.
FLASH FORWARD THREE MONTHS
01/01/06: I move in with my girlfriend in Manhattan who has RCN cable. It seems nice at first, offering assloads of HBO, Cinemax, Showtime and Starz channels, music channels, free on demand stuff, as well as internet and telephone service. I considered ordering the midseason hockey package, but seeing as she doesn't watch hockey, I was kind of broke, and the Bruins were god-awful, that was three compelling reasons to wait till next season.
FLASH FORWARD NINE MONTHS
10/4/06: It's Day One without The Package, and I'm in shock. I really wanted to order it this year. How did this happen? Well, I called RCN cable to ask which channels the NHL package were on, and it turns out they don't offer it. At all. I stew in my own juice, but there are still two games on OLN that night. I make do.
10/05/06: Day Two without The Package. So far so good. I am offered a ticket to the Rangers home opener, and it's a really good time.
10/6/06: Day Three without the package. Friday. I had planned to watch the Bruins home opener tonight, but both New York baseball teams are in the playoffs, so even a sports bar isn't an option. Still, there are plenty of good distractions. My fantasy hockey league has started, I'm back on the freelance list for Weekend Update over at SNL and I get offered what looks to be a killer new writing job at Court TV. I'll start on Tuesday, and that's about all I'll say about it. I've read about people getting fired from their jobs for yammering about them on their blogs, and I figure better safe than sorry. Either way, what do you care? It's not like the gaping hole the Atlanta Thrashers have at center is getting filled by Nancy Grace.
Anyway, I'm pretty much through with my responsibilities for the day, so I head to the movies to check out the prequel to the remake of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, a film I'm eager to see mainly for it's ability to take a film called "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and complicate the premise. They really ought to have taken a page from the second sequel of the original, a splendid little toe-tapper called "Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III," whose title actually uncomplicates the premise so much that it sounds like someone is winning a game of Clue. "I'd like to solve the murder! It was Leatherface, in Texas, with a Chainsaw!"
Pretty sneaky, sis.
Either way, it was a good time, and I apologize in advance for this huge spoiler:
He totally chainsaws the fuck out of a bunch of people.
Sorry if I ruined it for you.
I get home, and the lady and I are celebrating our good fortunes by making a nice dinner, but I still feel pangs. I'm missing the home opener of the Bruins game. I periodically check in on the Yahoo ticker, and if you haven't seen the score, I apologize in advance for this huge spoiler:
The Florida Panthers totally chainsawed the fuck out of them.
It was ugly.
I was bummed, but relieved that at least I didn't ruin my night by watching it, making my inability to order the package that much easier. For one night at least.
For one night.
TO BE CONTINUED....